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WHEAT AND CHAFF. 



OOl^EIDY 

I If F I YE ACTS. 

BY 

D. WADSWORTE WAINWRIGIIT, M. D. 



NEW YORK: 

CHARLES ROE, PUBLISHER, 

697 BROADWAY. 

^1858. 



,< 



X,"^ .iV 






Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1858, 

By D. Wadsworth Wainwright, 

In tlie Clerk's OflBce of tlie District Court of the United States for tha Southern 
District of New York. 



NEW TORK : BILLIN <fc BROTHER, PEINTERS, XX, NORTH WILLIAM STREET. 



TMP92-00759C 



Snscribeb 



HIS BROTHER 



J. HOWARD WAINWRIGHT, ESQ. 



©.saiiiiiSiifas [piESB'Bialis- 



With Cast as first performed in Neio YorTc^ on the SOtJi of 
Octoler, 1858, at Wallace's Theatee. 



MAZi;. 

Job MEEETWEATnEB Mr. John Brougham. 

Aethue Beaufoet, Nepheio to Job . . Mr. Lester Wallaok. 

Herbeet Vane Mr. Ciias. Wheatleigh. 

Charles Heaett Mi*. Thomas Chandler. 

Deuce, Proprietor of the Hell Mr. John Sloan. 

Thomas, Servant to Mes. Geafton . . . Mr. F. Chippendale. 

Bob, Servant to Vane Mr. Floyd. 

Beown, "j ( Mr. Levere. 

Jones, I 1 Mr. Tree. 

Smith, f Friends of Yaj^^. ^ Mr. Jeffeies. 

Robinson, j ( Mr. Lascelles. 

Newsboy Mr. Paesloe. 

Hackman Mr. Beenard. 

Dealer, at Sell Mr. Mason. 

Waiter, at Hell Mr. Olivee. 

Promenaders in Street Scene. Players at Hell. 
Quests at Ball. 

FEMALE. 

Mrs. Geafton Mrs. Geattan. 

Helen Grafton, Mrs. IIoey. 

Blanche Gay, Niece of '^r^. Geafton ..Miss Mary Gannon. 
Beggar, Miss Carman. 

Promenaders in Street Scene. Guests at Ball. 



Costume of the Present Day. 



8¥ie!®3>§[i§ m §i!^mmm< 



ACT I. 

SoESB I. — Vane's Apaj'tment; S((fa and Talle, L. H. • antique 
Writing-denh, R. II. ; Chairs R. and L. 

Scene II. — Hall in Mrs. Grafton^s Hovm. 

SoENE III. — Library in Mrs. Grafton^s House ; Table with 
JBoohs, L. H. ; Tahle, R. 11., with Writing Mate- 
rials ; Sofa and Chairs, R. a7id L. ; Piano, R. H, 

ACT II. 

Scene I. — Arthur's Studio : Easel and small Taile, R. H. ; 

Table, L. II., with Writing Materials, Pipes, 

etc. ; Chairs R. and L. 
Scene II. — Hall in Mrs. Gra/ton's House. 
Scene III. — View of Fifth Avenue from Fourteenth Street. 

ACT III. 

Scene I. — Same as in Act 1st ; Library, opening into Draw- 
ing-room handsomely furnished. 

ACT IV. 

Scene I. — Moonlight View of Union Square. 

Scene II. — Entrance to a Fashionable Hell. 

Scene III. — Fashionable Gambling Saloon ; Faro Tnhle, R. H., 

with all the ap2)oi7itments ; Table, L. II., with 

Writing Materials. 

ACT V. 

Scene I. — Ball-room in Mrs. GraftorHs House, handsomely 
furnished ; Piano, L. H. ; Chairs and Tables, 
R. and L. ; Conservatory at back. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

G., centre; R.,rigJit; L., left ; F., front; 'R.TL., right hand ; 
L. II., left hand. 



WHEAT AND CHAFF. 



SCENE FIRST. 

Apartments o/'Hekbert Yane. At rising of Ourtain, Vane 
discovered lying on Sofa. 

VANE, alone. 

Here I am, a scion of uppertendom, an F. F. V. of Gotham; 
possessor, the world says, of ten thousand a year ; I say, without 
a dollar in bank or pocket, save these [talrs bills from j)ocJcet] 
paltry two hundred, proceeds of that watch I lent a friend, 
my uncle. My cursed luck at Paris, Baden-Baden, and at 
Deuce's has left me penniless, with more debts than coppers. 
Fortunately, tradesmen take it kindly when owed by a man of 
fashion ! This cursed luck cannot always last — " there is a tide" 
— to day I feel the flood sets in. This very night I will make one 
last attempt to avert my ruin. Have a care, Deuce ! [Holds up 
nils.] Here is the wedge to break either you or me. \_Eeturns hills 
to pocTcet., rings hell. Enter Bob, L.H.^ hands three notes on salver.'l 
Has any one called this morning ? 

BOB. 

Yes, sir ; Mr. Shears and Mr. Welt were here four times yes- 
terday. 



Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

VANE, atskle. 
Tailor and bootmaker ; beagles of the hunt. Now they are on 
the scent, to-morrow I shall have the whole pack after me in full 
cry — the devil catch the hindermost. [Aloud.l Any one else? 

BOB. 

Yes, sir ; Miss Charlotte, she told me to tell you, unless you 
gave her back her watch, she would tell your father ; said she 
was a-coming again, sir. 

VANE. 

Be sure you tell her I have left the city, and wiU be absent a 
month. 

BOB. 

Yes, sir. 

VANE, aside. 
Before that I shall either have gold in plenty, or have left 
forever. 

BOB. 

Any orders, sir ? 

VANE. 

Not at present. [Bob loios, exit, L. H. Vane 02-)ens first note, 
reads aloud.] "Mrs. Fidget requests the pleasure — " Pleasure, bah! 
[Opeiis second note.] "Mrs. Stupid, very sociably — " Sociably, 
humbug ! These are the vultures of society ; they soar above in 
the firmament of fashion — ever watchful, ever restless — ready to 
pounce upon any simple lamb with a golden fleece ; clutch it, 
bear it away to their own nests to fill the rapacious maw of one 
of their screeching brood — of all, if they could. I am no simple 
lamb. [Puts down notes, opens third.] "Mrs. Grafton will be 
happy to see Mr. Herbert Vane to-morrow, (Thursday) evening, at 
eight o'clock, very sociably. R. S. V. P., 150 Madison Square." 
Very sociably, again. Last year, in the flush times, this invitation 
would have been printed on a four by six card, with an "At 
Home," and sent two weeks before. Now, in hard times, " Very 
Sociably," is the polite excuse for poor suppers, and worse wine. 
" Vive la Bagatelle.^^ This is not a loving way to speak of one's 

8 



Act I.-] WHEAT AND CHAFF. ' {Scene I. 

future mother-in-law — loving, bah ! She is playing her game, I 
mine: she for position for herself, daughter, and an extra ten 
thousand a year ; T, for her money alone, daughter thrown in. I 
know her hand, she does not mine. Now to answer these. {^Goes 
to desk, sjyeal'S ichile iDriting tico notes.l "Mr. Vane accepts with 
pleasure," etc. [Folds Jirst 7iote.] One must go every where, or 
he would soon be forgotten. [Folds second note.] These for Mrs. 
Fidget and Mrs. Stupid ; now for Mrs. Grafton's. [SpeaAs wJiile 
writing third note.] "My dear Mrs. Grafton, I accept with much 
pleasure your kind invitation for to-morrow evening, and shall do 
myself the honour of calling this afternoon, to offer to your loved 
daughter my hand and fortune." [Speals.] More humbug ! [ Writes.] 
" I can delay no longer. I must know my fate, either for perfect 
happiness or eternal misery." [S2)eal-s.] There's agony ! [ Writes.] 
"I hope, I trust, you will not use your all-powerful influence 
against me." [Speaks.] I have no fear of that — I have her safe — to 
her I am a saint. [Writes.] "With anxious heart I await your 
answer." [Comes down the stage.] This is a desperate game 
I am playing : I should loose, too, unless I had the odds. The 
girl loves my old friend and schoolfellow, Arthur — hates me ; for- 
tunately, I know — he does not — that the poor fool promised at 
her father's death-bed — she will keep her promise — to accept the 
man her mother chooses. Here he is. So promise, 'gainst love ; 
promise wins, and the game is mine. Poor Arthur, I am sorry I 
have to play you false ! I, the only man you ever confided in ; 
however, I cannot draw back : it is too late. I am poor, and the 
stake is too large. So as poverty knows no friends, the game 
must go on. 

ARTHUR, outside. 
HaUoo, Herbert, where are you ? — show yourself. 

VANE. 

Speak of the devil — [Arthur, enter C, 

ARTHUR. 

Earthed at last ; I've had a hunt for it. Why, you are as slip- 
pery and hai'd to find as an old fox ! You never come near me. 
A* 9 



Ad I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

VANE. 

'Pon my life, that's cool ! The first time you honour my batche- 
lor quarters, you accuse me of neglect ! Justice, my dear fellow — 
you owe me a hundred visits. 

ARTHUR. 

True bill : Minerva must aj^ologize for me. I am her slave — she 
is a jealous mistress. 

VANE. 

And like the rest of her sex, thorouglily heartless. 

ARTHUR. 

Not thoroughly. She, like woman, smiles upon us sometimes ; 
and we forget a thousand fi'owns in the enjoyment of one smile. 
I see you live decidedly " En Frince." 

VANE. 

Now, my dear fellow 1 'Pon my life, you flatter me. I live 
plainly — very plainly. 

ARTHUR. 

I should not suppose it. What an odd-looking desk! [Foints 
to desh] Where did you get it ? 

VANE. 

Yes, rather. I got it in Rome. Look at it. [Arthur goes to- 
wards desTc. Vane starts up. Aside.l By heavens ! that letter ! 
[Aloud} Arthur! Arthur! 

ARTHUR. 

Halloo ! You appear to be excited. What's the matter ? 

VANE. 

Nothing : I want your opinion of that picture. [Points to 
picture, on other side of stage.] It is a gem — said to be a Claude ! 
[Aside.] Any thing to stop him. 

ARTHUR. 

Ha ! ha ! ha ! Very well done, Herbert — too late. I see — 
[points to letter] — a love letter to your last conquest ! Come, tell 
me her name ; I will be secret. [Goes to picture.] 

10 



^^il^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

VANE, 

No, no ! 'Pon my life, you are mistaken ; it is only about a 
little 'matter of business— mere business. [Goes to desh : covers 
.'up letter. Aside.] He little thinks that business bodes him no 
good. [Both come down stage. Sit] 

ARTHUR. 

Really, I cannot say much for your taste in pictures. 

VANE. 

No ? Is it not a gem ? 

ARTHUR. 

It is a daub ! 

VANE. 

Then I have been sold. I must send it back. How have you 
spent the summer ? 

ARTHUR. 

Sketching in the mountains— and you ? 

VANE. 

As usual, following in the wake of fashion. Heard any news, 
^tely ? 

ARTHUR. 

Only two or three— new toy engagements. 

VANE. 

Toy engagements ? 

ARTHUR. 

Yes ; like toys, made to be broken. What matters it, if a few 
hearts break with them. 

VANE. 

Nothing. Sew them up with gold,— they are good as new. 

ARTHUR. 

The scar remains. 

VANE. 

Time obliterates scars : the gold remains. By-the-bye, how 
comes on your suit with Miss Grafton ? 

11 



Act L] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

ARTHUR. 

"Well, as far as she is concerned. I dare not ask the mother. 
She does not admire poor men. 

VANE. 

'Pon my life, she does not. 

ARTHUR. 

I hear you have great influence with her ; could you — ^you 
know, just — 

VANE. 

Plead for you ? Certainly, my dear fellow. I shall be de- 
lighted to serve you. [Aside.] I cannot refuse ; I have no reason. 

ARTHUR. 

I shall not forget it. I hate to ask a favour of any one — even 
you ; stiU, I recall our old schooldays. 

VA NE. 

So do I. How many scrapes we got into ! 

ARTHUR. 

Yes, and such unlucky ones ! We were always caught. 

VANE. 

You alone took the punishment. 

ARTHUR. 

That was right. I was the elder — I led you into mischief. 

VANE. 

I think not, if I remember correctly ; however, right or wrong, 
it made me your sincere friend. 

ARTHUR. 

I believe you were, then ; and wUl be, even now, for the sake of 
old times. 

A' A N E . 
Never fear, Arthur. I assure you, you can trust me. 

ARTHUR, takes vane's hand. 
I do not trust many ; it is not safe. Why, I heard you were 
12 



Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I 

devoted to Helen. I did not believe it. I could not distrust an 
old friend. 

VANE. 

Distrust everybody, my dear fellow. Each one has his price. 

ARTHUR. 

I cannot think that, though I am cynical. 

VANE. 

You cynical ! mere imagination. Cynics have no hearts. 

ARTHUR. 

Cynic or not, I will trust you. You could not take my hand 
if you meant to deceive me. 

VANE, shahes hand violently. 
My dear fellow, you never knew me — you will. 

ARTHUR. 

I must, now — when I trust you with what is more to me than 
life. Good-bye. Let me hear from you. 

VANE. 

I will; you may rely upon me. [^r/i Arthur, G. Enter Kk- 
TflUR, {7.] 

ARTHUR, laugliingly. 
I had forgotten — 

VANE. 

What? 

ARTHUR. 

To tell you, not to let my affair interfere with that little matter 
of business — [points to de»k'\ — mere business. Send it at once, 
Herbert ; it is vmkind to keep her in suspense. 

VANE. 

Trust me. I wiU not. 

ARTHUR. 

Then good-bye, again. On that score [points to des¥\ my con- 
science is easy. [Exit, C] 

VANE, goes to desl% tahes letter. 
On this score his conscience is easy. Is mine ? Bah ! con- 
13 



Act l] WHEAT AND CUAFF. [Scene I/. 

science ! What's conscience ? A mere bugbear to frighten chil- 
dren. [Speaks widle folding note.] The game goes on swimmingly, 
I have put Arthur off the scent. Then if Blackstone can hush up 
that cursed faux pas of mine in Paris, so the papers do not get it, 
all will be well. In a week I shall be on velvet. [Eings hell. Enter 
Bob, L. H.] Deliver these notes at once. Wait for Mrs. Grafton's 

answer. 

BOB, taJiCS notes. 

Yes, sir. Will you drive the tilbury or dog-cart to-day, sir ? 

VANE. 

Neither : I shall walk. When you return, stay at home. I 
expect a note from Mr. Blackstone ; if it comes, bring it to me at 
Mrs. Grafton's immediately. 

BOB. 

Yes, sir. Any thing else, sir ? 

VANE. 

Did you order the dinner at the club ? 

BOB. 

Yes, sir — for twelve, sir — ready at six, sir. 

VANE. 

Very well: you can go. [Exit Bob, L. R.] The game's begun. 
Now to catch the queen. [Exit Vane, B. M.] 

SCENE SECOND. 

Hall at Mrs, Grafton's. Enter, L. R., Bob and Thomas, note in 
hand. 

bob. 
Well, old Beeswax, how goes it ? 

THOMAS. 

So, SO. Any thing up down town ? 

BOB. 

The Bear garden's about ? — stocks is up. 
14 



A.etl.\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \_iicene 11. 

THOMAS. 

What's that to you ? 

BOB. 

Come, I like that — to me — I'm a Bull — I'm long. 

THOMAS. 

I thought you were short. 

BOB. 

Was, 'fore the 'sponsion. Gone in since on t'other side. 

THOMAS. 

WTiat are you in ? Are you in deep ? 

BOB. 

No ; a mere trifle. Fifty shares Dismal Swamp Draining Asso- 
ciation — fifty Underground Eailroad. 

THOMAS. 

Do they pay dividends, Bob ? 

BOB. 

Guess they do. \Aside^ Out of the capital. 

THOMAS. 

Can't you let a feller in ? 

BOB. 

I don't know — stock's mighty scarce. Seeing it's you, though, 
I'll sell you some of mine. 

THOMAS. 

Done. I'll take half. 

BOB. 

Sold. [Turns, 2mts finger to nose.'] I say, old fellow, I can't 
stand here all day gassing. Start your pins. There's an answer 
to that note. 

THOMAS. 

You don't say so, my chicken ! Where is it ? 

BOB. 

Look a-here, old rooster, simmer down — switch off! {Pushes 
15 



Act/.] WHEAT AND CUAFF. [.Scene lU. 

Thomas off., E. II.] Confounded old fogy don't know nothin', — 
has'n't cut his eye-teeth ! I'll start 'em for him ! I'll cut his gums I 
[Cones down stage.] Guess I must look out for 'nother place. 
That master of mine's pretty nigh played out. If this here gag, 
with that young woman up stairs, don't go down, there'll be a 
grand Tcerflumux. Let's see. I'll try him 'nother week. I want 
to be in at the death. Won't that be jolly? [Enter Thomas, 
E.U.] 

THOMAS. 

Here's the answer. [Hands note.] 

BOB. 

You did stir your stumps, didn't you, old two-forty ? [TaTcea 
note.] How's the old woman up stall's ? She's a buster ! 

THOMAS. 

Look here, young man ; don't be saucy. 

BOB. 

Oh, dry up ! I say, old Bustamente, can't we smile ? 

THOMAS. 

We mought ; there's some champagne down stairs. 

BOB. 

That's jolly. Come along, old mutton-head ! let's sail in. 
[Exeunt, L. E. Bob pulling Thomas off.] 

SCENE THIRD. 
Library — same. Enter Helen, G. 

HELEN, alone. 
I know not why I am so sad this morning. There is no cause 
for it. Still, I cannot shake my sadness off. I feel a strange 
presentiment of approaching misfortune, of which I shall be the 
victim. I will not give way to the feeling ; it can be but a fancy. 
Here comes Blanche ; she will cheer me. [Enter Blanche, C, sing- 
ing.A Where have you been ? [Sits.] 

16 



Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene III 

BLANCHE. 

Out shopping. [Tales off ionnet, puts it away.] 

HELEN. 

Who did you meet ? 

BLANCHE. 

Any number of people. 

HELEN. 

Any one in particular ? 

BLANCHE. 

Nobody, except that gawky Mary Sappy. 

HELEN. 

What did she have to say for herself? 

BLANCHE. 

Full of the hard times, as usual. Talked about economy — how 
poor she felt ; then bought two silk dresses ; "because, [imitating] 
you know, I can buy two now, for only ten dollars more than I 
used to pay for one." There's economy for you ! Where's aunt ? 

HELEN. 

Up-stairs, with the dress-maker. 

BLANCHE. 

I'm glad of it. [iS'iVs.] Now we can have a nice long talk. When 
she is present, I am aft-aid to say a word. She watches me like a 
cat. 

HELEN. 

Blanche, I will not allow you to speak so. You know she loves 
you. 

BLANCHE. 

No, I don't. If she does, why is she always finding fiiult ? It 
is nothing aU day, but " Blanche, do this," — " why have you not 
done it before ?" — " go and do it at once." 

HELEN. 

She does it for your good. 

BLANCHE. 

She does it to show her power. Just because father made her 
my guardian, and left his property so I cannot have it until I am 

17 



Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene m. 

twenty-one, unless I marry wilh her consent — that is the reason. 
For my good, mdeed ! Fortunately, I have only a year to wait, 
then. 

HELEN. 

I grant sometimes she is too severe. However, she says you 
are too wild — too fast : you know you are. 

BLANCHE. 

A girl, now-a-days, cannot dance or flirt the least mite with any 
one, without being called " wild," and " fast." 

HELEN. 

How, when she flirts with a great many ones ? 

BLANCHE, Inuffh Ingly. 
"Well, I confess I have flirted considerably. 

HELEN. 

Shall I run through the list ? 

BLANCHE. 

No, I thank you. I have it by heart. 

HELEN. 

Have they all a corner there ? Charley would not like to 
think so. 

BLANCHE. 

No, Helen ; they have not. I love that dear, stupid fellow too 
well. If he objected, I would stop it ; but he don't mind it. I 
think he rather likes it. 

HELEN. 

Don't believe that, Blanche. No man likes to see the woman 
he loves, even appear interested in another, 

BLANCHE. 

Well, I won't flirt as hard next time. Now, have you finished 
your lecture ? 

HELEN. 

Yes. 

18 



Act L] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene HI. 

BLANCHE. 

I should hope so. In attempting to remove the mote fi-om my 
eye, of course you have forgotten that beam in your own. 

HELEN. 

I don't understand you. 

BLANCHE. 

Well done, Miss Simplicity. You are in love, and correspond 
with a man. Does your mother know it ? 

HELEN. 

Not that I am aware of ; but that is a very different matter. 

BLANCHE. 

Oh ! ah ! is it? {Imitating Helen.] Don't believe that, Helen. 
No mother likes to see the daughter she loves even appear to cor- 
respond with a man. So aunt has not discovered it ? 

HELEN. 

No. 

BLANCHE. 

Trust me, she will I know her. How shall you act when she 
does? 

HELEN. 

Tell her how deeply, how fondly I love him. 

BLANCHE. 

What for, pray ? 

HELEN. 

Why, she loves me, and will give her consent to our engage- 
ment. 

BLANCHE. 

Not a bit of it ; she wishes you to marry that horrid — " Pon 
my life," [imitates Y a.S'e,'] she wiU talk to you about "bringing 
her in sorrow to the grave," and all that sort of thing — implore 
you to make her happy. 

HELEN. 

You wrong her : she loves me too well. 

BLANCHE. 

Then, if that wiU not do, she will say: "My child, remember 
the solemn promise you have given." 

19 



Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. \Seene UL 

HELEN. 

I forgot that fatal promise. 

BLANCHE, 

Break it. 

HELEN. 

I dare not : it was given to the dead. 

BLANCHE. 

The dead had no right to ask it, so I would break it. 

HELEN. 

No, Blanche ; sooner than do that, I will give up my love. 

BLANCHE. 

More fool you. [^Enter Mrs. Grafton, G.I 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Blanche, why are you not at your piano ? go at once. 

BLANCHE. 

Yes, aunt. [Aslde^ going.} The old ogress! [^.cii, R. J7.] 

MRS. GRAFTON, 

Helen, I want to talk with you. 

HELEN. 

Well, my dearest mother, what is it ? 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Sit down. [Tliey sit.] I am very much grieved. This morning, 
by accident, I opened your desk. I need not tell you what I found 
there. It made me very unhappy. I asked myself the painful 
question : Can my child love me — my only child — to carry on a 
clandestine correspondence ? 

HELEN, aside. 

My presentiment of misfortune was too true. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I wish to know which you love the best — your mother or Mr, 
Beaufort ? 

20 



Act I.-] WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene III 

n E L E u , aside. 
It comes very soon. 

MRS. GRAFTOX. 

I acknowledge he is a gentleman — still he is poor — 

HELEN, interruptmg. 
If that is his only fault, I have enough for both. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

That is not the reason I object. I have lived longer than you, 
my child : believe me when I say Mr. Beaufort is not at all suited 
to make you happy. 

HELEN. 

I love him, mother. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Trust me, Helen, I know your nature — your affection for hira 
would not last. You might be happy for a year ; after that — I wUI 
not go on. I have pondered deeply upon your future happiness, 
passed many sleepless nights reflecting how I might best secure 
it, and fulfil the last command of your dead father — "Make my 
child happy." I have striven to do so. 

HELEN. 

Mother, I love him. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

It is my sole aim in life to make you happy — to see you occupy 
the high position in the world for which you are so weU fitted. 

HELEN. 

I love him, mother. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I have at last found the man to whom I can entrust your hap- 
piness. Helen, your mother tells you so — appeals to you whether 
you will be guided by her, or, clinging to your mistaken fancy, 
"bring her in sorrow to the grave ?" 

HELEN. 

Mother, I love him. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

You only fancy so. Mr. Vane loves you — will place you the 
21 



Act ^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. ^ [Scene UI. 

brightest gem of the circle in which he moves. And further, " re- 
member the solemn promise you have given." Now, my child, I 
leave you to decide whether your mother shall be happy, or miser- 
able. \_Ooing.'\ Remember your promise I \_Exit^ C] 

HELEN. 

I dare not forget it. [Enter., Blanche R. H.'\ 

BLA NCHE, 

There, Helen, what did I tell you ? 

HE L EN. 

The truth. 

BLANCHE. 

What shall you do ? 

HELEN. 

I will not break my word. 

BLANCHE. 

Then you do not love Arthur ? 

HELEN. 

Not love him ! I would give up my life for him ; aye, every 
thing, save honour. 

BLANCHE. 

Take my advice : run away. 

HELEN. 

No, Blanche ; my heart may break, but I will keep my prorrise. 
[Enter Mrs. Grafton, C, unperceived.'\ 

BLANCHE. 

You are a fool for your trouble. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

When your advice is wanted, Blanche, it will be asked for. 
You can leave the room, 

BLANCHE. 

Yes, aunt. [Aside., going.'] The hyena! [Exit., JR. M.] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Helen, have you decided ? 

HELEN. 

Mother, I will marry Mr. Vane. 
22 



Act I.'] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene lU. 

MRS. GEAFTON. 

I am thaQkful. Now, my dear, write to Mr. Beaufort. Tell 
him your decision, and request him to return your letters. His I 
have sealed up in this packet. [Takes jacket from pochet.'\ I 
shall send them with your note. I also have written to him. 
[Helen goes to table — writes.'\ Mr. Vane wrote me that he should 
call this afternoon. [Bell outside I'ings.] Probably that is he. 
[Bnter TaoMAS, C. Sands card on salver to Mrs. GnAFTOif. Helen 
gives note to Mrs. Gkafton. To Thomas.] Take these [places 
packet and notes on salver] to Mr. Beaufort's. Wait for an an- 
swer. 

THO MAS. 

Yes, madam. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Tell Susan to tend the door. If any one calls, to say we are 
engaged. 

THOMAS. 

Yes, madam. 

MRS. GRAFTON, looks at Card. 

Show the gentleman up. [Thomas hows, exit, C] Helen, it 
is Mr. Vane. I leave you, in trust I may return happy. [Bxit, 
B.H.] 

HELEN. 

That fatal promise ! Poor Ai'thur ! How heartless will he 
think me when he reads my note. It is better so. He wiU the 
sooner forget me. [Enter Thomas, C] 

THOM as. 
Mr. Herbert Vane. [Enter Vane, C, exit Thomas, C] 

VANE. 

Good morning, Miss Helen. [Helen Ioids coldly. They sit.l I 
hope your mother has informed you of the object of my visit. 
[Helen hows.] Helen, I have long loved you with a sincere and 
deep devotion, I offer you my hand and heart. [Kneels.] I im- 
plore you not to refuse making me the happiest of men. [Enter 
Bob, C, hurriedly.] 

BOB. 

Here's the note, sir. [Vane starts vp.] 
2.^ 



Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. 

VANE, aside. 
Confound the fellow ! [Tal-es note. Addresses 'Qeles.'] Par- 
don this interruption. I expected a communication from my 
lawyer on a very impoiiant matter, and told my servant to bring 
it to me inuiiediately. Allow me to open it. [Helen bows. Vane 
comes down, R. II., opens note. Drops note accidentally while re- 
turning it to pocJcet, during himness.'] 

BOB, aside. 
He was a-doing it up that time, he was. 

HELEN, aside. 
There is one hope left. I will appeal to him. If he is a man, 
he will resign me. 

VANE, to BOB. 

You can go, sir. There is no answer. 

BOB. 

Yes, sir. [Aside, going.] Sha'n't I catch Jessie ! [Fxit, C] 

VANE. 

You will not destroy my hopes — tell me you return my love. 

HELEN, 

Mr. Vane, I do not love you ; my heart is irrevocably given to 
another. If you do not wish to see me die, go, leave, resign me ; 
there are better, handsomer, richer women than I, who can and 
will love you. 

VANE. 

Helen, I cannot ; I love you too fondly. No other woman could 
compensate me for your loss. I am too great a coward ; I dare 
not destroy my dream of bliss. 

HELEN. 

Be it so ; there is my hand. [Vane tales hand.] To keep my 
promise, I sacrifice myself; but beware, it is soft now, it will be 
ice hereafter ! 

VANE. 

I will thaw it with my kisses. [Kisses hand. Mes. Geafton 
enters at C] 

24 



ActlL\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene I. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Daughter, you have made me happy. \Embraces Helen.] 

HELEN. 

Mother, you have made me miserable. [Vane comes down, L. 
^, Blanche enters R. H., picks vp note dropped by Vane; 
opens it, appears to read.] 

VANE, aside. 

The game is won ; I've caught the queen. 



BLANCHE, aside. 
I will catch the knave. 

Und of First Act. 



[Tableau. 



SCENE FIRST. 

Studio of Arthur Beattfort. Enter Job, R. H. 

JOB, alone. 
As I live, not bad quarters for a poor artist. [Enter Arthur, 
L. H., smohing.] 

ARTHUR. 

Uncle Job, how are you ? I am very glad to see you. How 
well you are looking. [Shahe hands.] 

JOB. 

Same to you, my boy. 

ARTHUR. 

Let me take your coat off [ITelps him to remove coat, also 
taJces hat and cane, places them on table.] Now sit down ; make 
yourself at home. 

JOB. 

You may depend upon it I will. [TTiey sit.] 
B 25 



Actll.'l WHEAT AND CHAFF. \8cem I. 

ARTHUR. 

When did you leave home ? How are they all ? and how is old 
Carlo ? 

JOB. 

I left this morning. They are all well, dogs and all ; as for old 
Carlo, he sent a bark and a wag of his tail for you. 

ARTHUR. 

Dear old fellow ! I should like to see his hairy face again. What 
can I offer you after your journey ? Some brandy and water ? 

JOB. 

No brandy and water for me. Give me ale — glorious ale ; it 
leaves no sting, and laughs with you while you drink it. Ale for 
me, my boy, provided your cellar contains it 

ARTHUR. 

Certainly it does. I am a Son of Malta. 

JOB. 

At your old tricks, are you ? Horrible ! 

ARTHUR. 

Pardon me, I could not help it. \Gets ale^ opens it, gives Job.] 
Will you have a segar or pipe with your ale ? 
job. 

A pipe, if you have one convenient. [AETHrE gives Job pipe — 
Job ligJits it.] Now I feel cosy and comfortable. [Aethtje sits.] 

ARTHUR. 

Well, uncle, how did the hard times affect you farmers ? 

job. 
Not very severely. We had many things to be thankful for. 
Kind nature lent us a helping hand ; blessed us with great crops, 
so we suffered but little. How was it with Art ? 

ARTHUR. 

We artists suffered greatly. No commissions: on the other 
hand, some of our rich, generous patrons were so liberal as to 

20 



Actl^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \_Scene I. 

withdraw, even those given before the panic — merely making the 
hard times sei've as an excuse for meanness. 

JOB. 

I'd sooner have the picture than be owed for it. I see you are 
not changed. Same as ever — ever looking on the dark side. 

ARTmjE. 

That is the safest philosophy, at least in this age of brass. 

JOB. 

Not the truest ; certainly not the happiest. Would you shut 
out the bright sky for the one little cloud which specks it ? I 
hope not. 

ARTHUR. 

Uncle, we are always at war on that point. 

JOB. 

Yes, my boy ; but trust me, I shall conquer in the end. 

ARTHUR. 

Perhaps so. When the world becomes flat — I beg its pardon — 
it is flat enough ah'eady. 

JOB. 

Lord it bravely, while you can. My turn will come : then you 
shall cry peccavi. So, my modem Xeno, despite your cynical 
ideas of women, you are hooked at last. 

ARTHUR. 

I confess it. 

JOB. 

Who is the witch that has performed such a miracle ? 

ARTHUR. 

The daughter of your old love. 

JOB. 

What ! Helen Grafton ? 

ARTHUR. 

Even so. By-the-bye, uncle, you never told me about your 
flirtation with the mother. 

27 



ActII.'\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \ Scene I 

JOB. 

Flirtation, Arthur ! It was no flirtation ; it was a sad reality. 
It is not a pleasant remembrance. Still, as my experience may 
benefit you, I will relate it. Catharine and I were children to- 
gether — grew up together. She was my little wife— so I loved to 
call her. I loved her fondly — devotedly. I believe she returned 
it. Well, we were engaged. I was happy. It lasted but a mo- 
ment. Her father would not consent. He said I was too poor, 
and advised her to give me up. She took his advice — gave me 
up — married another. Ah ! ah ! The wound was deep ; the scar 
is yet tender. 

ARTHUK. 

Can you forgive her ? 

JOB. 

I have. She was very young then ; she knew not how much I 
loved her. 

ARTHUR. 

After that, you look on the bright side ? 

JOB. 

Yes, my dear boy. I am no misanthrope, to shun the whole for 
the unkindness of one ; I love woman too well. I did not banish 
myself from the world. No, I entered in its enjoyments — not its 
extravagancies ; in that course, I found consolation. Now, the past 
is but a softened shadow. 

ARTHUR. 

Did you never love another ? 

JOB. 

No, Arthur. True love is eternal ; it is a spring in the desert. 
The sands of time may fill — the growth of weeds may choke it ; 
yet memory, like an oasis, marks the spring — still there, though 
silent. Away with sad thoughts : life is too short for regret. Tell 
me, my boy, what sort of girl Helen is. 

ARTHUR. 

She does not wear hoops ten feet in diameter 1 
28 



Actll?^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \_Scene I. 

JOB. 

That is rather a negative character. 

A R T }I TT R . 

Well, uncle, she is a noble girl ; good, kind, affectionate, and 
accomplished. 

JOB. 

Is she handsome ? is she a belle ? 

ARTHUR. 

The world says so. 

JOB. 

Does she waltz ? 

A RTHTJR. 

No, indeed ; I would as soon have the woman I love hugged in 
a dark room, alone, as in a crowd. 

JOB. 

Last, but not least, does she love you ? 

ARTHUR. 

I believe she loves me, and will continue to do so ; that is, if 
she be not tried too severely. I say tried, for I am rather skep- 
tical in regard to woman's constancy. 

JOB. 

Skeptical ? In my day, a woman would give her own life for 
the man she loved. 

ARTHUR. 

And her mother, uncle ? 

JOB. 

Well, " exceptions prove the rule." 

ARTHU R. 

I say tried, for her mother has unbounded influence over her. 
I fear, if she willed it, Helen might retract. 

JOB. 

In that case, what would you do? 
29 



Act 11.'] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

ARTHUR. 

Do ! — Why — [Knoclc at door., li. R.] Come in. [Enter Thomas, 
H.H. Hands two notes and packet to AiiTiivii.] Uncle, permit me. 

JOB. 

Certainly, my dear boy. [Comes down, L. H., opens notes and 
reads aloud, aside.^ 

ARTHUR. 

" Mr. Beaufort : — Let the past be forgotten : I am engaged to 
Mr. Vane. I send your letters, and request you will return mine 
by the bearer. I remain yours very respectfully, Helen Grafton." 
[Speali's aside.^ Can this be real, or am I dreaming? [Looks at 
letter and Thomas.] It is true ! So cold and heartless ! Not one 
kind word. Engaged, and to Herbert. " Misfortunes never come 
single ;" the only woman I ever loved, deceives me — the only man 
I ever trusted, betrays me. The blow strikes home ; I feel it here ; 
[jmts hand to heart ;] but the brain, shall subdue the heart. 

JOB. 

What is the matter, Arthur ? — ^you appear moved. Is there any 
bad news in that note ? 

ARTHUR. 

Bad news ! — read it. [Oives Job note.'] It is a model ^''Mllet 
douxP [Goes to draw, takes out p>a,cket, during business — Job 
reads note — speaks aside.] 

JOB. 

The poor boy feels it more than his actions show. 

ARTHUR. 

That is all, Thomas. [Hands packet to Thomas. Thomas taJces 
packet, botes, exit B. H.] 

job. 

Now it is done, Arthur, what shall you do ? [Hands back note 
to Arthxtr.] 

ARTHUR. 

Humph ! Light another cigar. [Lights cigar with note.] 

JOB, aside. 
Bravely done. 

30 



Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

A E T H U R. 

Let me see what this contains. [Opens second note, reads aloud.'] 
"Mrs. Grafton will be happy to see Mr. Beaufort to-morrow, 
(Thursday) evening, at eight o'clock. Very sociably." [Aside.] A 
sop for Cerberus. [Aloud.'\ I must write an answer. 

JOB. 

What wiU it be ? 

AETHITK. 

An acceptance, of course. [Goes to talle, wi'ites.'] 

JOB. 

That's right, Arthur, let her go ; there are as good fish in the 
sea as ever were caught. 

A RTnUR. 

I shall fish no more ; I cannot bait my hook with gold. [ Comes 
down stage.] Now, that is finished, suppose we take a stroll ; I 
shall paint no more to-day, my head aches ; I think a walk will 
relieve it, 

JOB. 

I have no objection. Wliere shall we go ? 

ARTHUR. 

Any where— I care not — ^to the devil, if you wish. 

JOB. 

Pray, excuse me — not just yet. No doubt he would be glad to 
see us, but I am not dressed for Grace. [Enter Charles Hearty, 
E. R] 

CHARLEY. 

How are j^ou, Arthur? [They sTial-e hands.] My dear fellow, I 
truly sympathize with you. Halloo — who's that? [Motions toJo'a.] 

ARTHUR. 

My Uncle Job. Uncle, allow me to introduce my friend, Charley 
Hearty. 

JOB. 

I am happy to know you, sir. [They shalae hands.] 
31 



Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [iicene L 

on AELET. 

You honour me, sir ; I have often heard Arthur speak of you. 
[Aside, to Aethur.] Does he know any thing about it? [Motions 
to Job.] 

ARXnUR. 

Yes ; never mind him — speak out. 

CHARLEY, 

I received a note from Blanche, an hour ago, saying Helen had 
accepted Herbert Vane. I was very busy ; still I could not help 
running up town, to tell you how much I feel for you. Can I be 
of any service ? 

ARTHUR. 

No, I thank you, Charley. You see I can bear it — it has not 
killed me. 

JOB. 

Mr. Hearty, my nephew is a cynic. 

CHARLEY. 

I do not know what that is, sir. This I do know — if Blanche 
had treated me so, I would — I don't know what I wouldn't do. 

ARTHUR. 

Do as I do, " grin and bear it." 

CHARLEY. 

I couldn't do that. I should like to remain with you, but busi- 
ness before pleasure : I must go back to the office. Arthur, I 
have a case at last. 

ARTHUR, 

I am delighted to hear it. "What is it? 

CHARLEY. 

A quarantine case. 

ARTHUE. 

Not a yellow fever case ? 

CHARLEY. 

Not exactly. I am going to indict the police. 
32 



AeiII.\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \ScencL 

JOB , 

What for, may I ask ? 

ARTHTJK. 

Because they "locked the stable-door after the horse was 
stolen," I suppose. 

OH ARLET. 

He has hit it, sir. Well, I must go, or I shall be too late for 
the grand jury. 

ARTHU K. 

Look in at Delmonico's as you go down town. 

CHARLEY. 

I will. Good-bye, Arthur. 

ARTHUR. 

Good-bye, Charley. {Shake handi!\ 

CHARLEY, to JOB. 

Good-day, sir. 

JOB . 

Good-day. [Charley 'bows exit, B. IT.] 

ARTHUR. 

He is a good fellow, uncle; education would have made him 
a brilliant. He sees life through a prism. 

JOB. 

Better so than through a camera. Who is this Herbert 
Yane? 

ARTHUR. 

A rich man, a man of fashion, and the acknowledged leader 
of the German. Until to-day, I thought him my best friend. 

JOB. 

And he betrays you ? 

ARTHUR. 

Certainly ; that is the " way of the world." 

JOB . 

A noble character, indeed 1 Suppose we start. 
B* 33 



Act 11] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Seem IT. 

ARTHUR. 

I will be with you in a moment. [Exit, L. S.] 

JOB, alone. 
My dear boy is unhappy. I see it, though he strives to blind 
me by his affected indifterence. Ah ! the crust of pride ; be it 
ever so thick on the face, the heart can be felt pulsating be- 
neath. [Enter Arthtje, L. M., with hat and coat.] 

ARTHUR. 

Pardon this detention, 

JOB. 

Do not speak of it. It has given me a moment for reflection. 
That never harms one. Are you ready? [During speech Arthur 
helps Job put on coat, etc.] 

ARTHUR. 

I am at your service. [Loolcs at watch.] It is now three 
o'clock. Fashion and foUy will be in high flight. 

JOB. 

Then we will take a flight with them. [Exeunt, B. H.] 



SCENE SECOND. 

Hall at Mrs. Grafton's. Bell outside, L. R., rings violently. 
Enter Tuoyiks, H. H., jmtting on coat. Crosses opens door, 
L. S. Enter Bob hurriedly, pushing Thomas aside, has news- 
paper in hand. 

BOB. 

Here's a jolly row — I don't think, 

THOMAS. 

I should think there was. Do you want to pull the house 
down? 

BOB. 

Simmer down, old doughface ! None of your airs — it won't 
do, 

THOMAS, 

I see you're saucy as ever. 

34 



Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene 11. 

BOB. 

That's so, old boss. Has that master of mine goue ? 

THOMAS. 

No. 

BOB. 

Then he's lucky. Go, fetch him here right off. 

THOMAS. 

What for? 

BOB. 

Think I'm jolly green, don't you, old puddin'-head? Travel. 
[Pushes Thomas ojf, R. H.} Here's a go ! {Comes down stage. 
Beads paper aloud.] " Monstrous degradation in our upper 
circles ! Horrible depravity in high life ! A villain in upper- 
tendom unmasked ! The subject of this article, a Mr. Herbert 
Vane, may be seen daily driving through our most fashionable 
streets in a dog-cart, with an impudent puppy of a servant 
perched behind." {Speaks.] That's me. If I ever see the fel- 
low what wrote that, the way I'll maul him won't be slow. 
[Enter Vane, R. H.] 

VANE. 

Well, sir, what do you want ? 

BOB. 

Read that, sir. {Hands newspaper. Aside.] That's a sweet- 
ener for him. 

VANE, aside. 

I did not think they would dare publish it ; that cursed Black- 
stone should have stopped it. 

BOB. 

Do you see what they say about me, sir ? 

VANE. 

Yes, for once they tell the truth. 

BOB, aside. 
I'll pay him off for that. [Aloud.] Do you think so, sir ? 
they say, " like master like man." 

35 



Ad II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene IL 

VANE, aside. 
Confound his impudence ! [Aloud.] Well, sir, have you any 
other pleasant communication ? 

BOB . 
Yes, sir. Miss Charlotte is at your room. 

VANE, aside. 
Curse the luck ! [Aloud.] Did you tell her I had left the city ? 

BOB. 

Yes, sir. She said that was no go ; you'd tried that dodge be- 
fore; she was a-going to wait till you come home. [Aside.] 
Guess I was into him that time. 

VANE, aside. 
If she should discover where I am! [Aloud.] Bob. 

BOB. 

Yes, sir. 

VANE. 

I wish you to go home at once. Watch her. Do not let her 
out of your sight for a moment 

BOB. 

No, sir. 

VANE. 

When she leaves, follow her until she goes home, then go to 
the club and wait for me. 

BOB. 

Yes, sir. Any thing else, sir ? 

VANE. 

No ; you can go. 

BOB. 

Yes, sir. [Aside, going.] Just let me catch that paper chap, 
won't I punch his head ! Oh ! no ! ne'er a bit ! [Bxit, L. H.] 

VANE, alone. 
The meshes of the net begin to draw about me ; how shall I 
escape them ? Why, put on a bold face, they will give way them- 
selves. What if my wife that is to be should see this ? I care 

S6 



Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III 

not ; as for the mother — [^imitates a jumping-joJin with his hands] 
— courage ! courage ! " Vive la bagatelle / A year abroad, and 
this [puts paper in pocJcet] will he {ovgotten. [Going.] Boldness 
yet shall win the game. [Exit, R. H.] 



SCENE THIRD. 

A View in Fifth Avenue, near Fourteenth Street, During 
scene, promenaders pass to and fro at iach of stage. Enter 
Newsboy, L. H., running. 

NEWSBOY. 

Here's the Extra Herald! Grand exposy in Fifth Avenue! 
[Exit, a. H. Enter Job and Arthur, L. H.] 

ARTHUR. 

We are now within the sacred precincts [takes off hat] dedi- 
cated to the worship of the insane goddess Fashion. Let us tread 
lightly, or her votaries will destroy us. If we stand here, uncle, 
in an hour we shall see pretence and folly enough for a centmy. 

JOB. 

" All are not perfect." However, we will stop ; you shall be the 
Asmodeus to "open the doors," and "disclose the secrets of 
the prison-house." 

ARTHUR. 

Wisdom's prison-house, indeed — folly's palace. 

JOB. 

Leave folly alone, it will kill itself. 

ARTHUR. 

I say, shoot it as it flies. 

JOB. 

So be it, shoot. [Pointing towards 14<A street] Who is he in 
yon superb carriage, reclining vulgarly on its damask cushions ? 

ARTHUR. 

Goitfast, the great speculator. Failed last week for half a 
million. 

37 



Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. 

JOB. 

Did his creditors not seize ? 

AIITIIUE. 

Nothing. Every thing settled on his wife. They fare sumptu- 
ously every day. The creditors starve. 

JOB. 

A gilded tomb. 

ARTHUK. 

No, uncle, — brass ! 

BOB. 

Whom have we here ? [Points off.] A woman, gorgeously ap- 
parelled, in an equipage fit for an empress. 

AKTHUE. 

Mrs. Parvenue, a satellite of fashion's orb ; a suppliant at aris- 
tocracy's temple-gate. Gave a ball last winter ; invited everybody, 
— only the men went. The gate is barred to her forever. 

JOB. 

Rather severe. 

A ETHUK. 

Severe, but just. Look there. [Points off.] Do you see that 
plain carriage^the gray haired couple within ? 

JOB. 

Yes ; what of them ? 

ABTHUR. 

They are the true aristocrats. Of their abundance, they give 
willingly ; they need no placard to herald their munificence ; you 
may "read it in the hearts of the poor." 
JOB . 

True charity is ever a sunny picture. [A woman dressed in hlacJc 
crosses stage at hack, quicMy.] Wlio is tins, running from door to 
door — a beggar, in silk ? 

ARTHUR. 

One of that class who go about, " clothing the naked," " feeding 
the hungry," hushing the " cry of the children," while the little 

38 



Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III 

ones at home sob, "mother, where are you?" — leave their own 
nests to tend another's young. Philantlu'opy without virtue — 
charity, without justice ! 

JOB. 

Yet there are many noble women who sacrifice themselves in 
doing their whole duty. 

ABTHTJE. 

True. Still, " life is a caldron," — the scum will rise to the top. 

JOB. 

What does that mean ? [ Points off.} Strange sight ! carriage 
and horses placarded " for sale !" 

A K T u u R . 

That is the " new way to pay old debts." Owner fails for mil- 
lions, offers assets — horses and carriage — one thousand ! 

JOB. 

If I listen to you much longer, I shall buy me a lamp, then 
search for an honest man. 

AETHUE. 

Do not put it in a " Dark Lantern." [Enter Deuce, E. H. Bows 
to Arthur. He returns it. Deuce, exit, L. H.] 

JOB. 

Who is your fashionable friend ? 

ARTHUR. 

The great Deuce ; a patron of the arts — one of the " Lions " of 
the metropolis. 

JOB. 

What ! a Yankee lion ? 

ARTHUR. 

No ; an Irish tiger — gives a supper every night — for which you 
pay — in chips ! 

JOB. 

In chips ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! I comprehend. As a stranger, 
should like to see this modern Hades. 

ARTHUR. 

Suppose we drop in this evening ? 
39 



Actlir^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene IIL 





JOB. 


I agrea 




But, uncle-^ 


ARTHUE, 


WeU? 


JOB. 


Beware the tiger. 


ARTHUR 



JOB . 

Never fear, my boy ; he has no claw for me. [Newsboy enters^ 

NEWSBOY , 

'Ere's the Extra Herald ! Grand exposy in Fifth Avenue I 
Great broil among the codfish I 

job. 
Halloo, boy, what is that ? 

newsboy. 
Sixpence. 

job. 
I did not mean that. Never mind, here's your sixpence. 
[Gives money — takes paper — reads.l 

newsboy, aside. 
Country ! I made three cents out of the old codger, anyhow. 
I'll poke another into him : if I don't, blow me. [Aloud — going.] 
'Ere's the Extra Herald ! Grand exposy in Fifth Avenue ! [Exit, 
L.H.] 

ARTHUR, aside. 
This battle of brain and heart : will it never cease ? 

JOB. 

A grand expose, indeed ! Your rival is the hero. Eead it. 
[Gives paper to Arthur. He takes it] 

ARTHUR. 

It is too much trouble. [Twists paper, and throws it down.] 
It would be time wasted. [Enter Newsboy, L. H., running.] 

NEWSBOY . 

'Ere's the Extra Herald — third edition. Further dewelop- 
40 



Actll.'\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene UI. 

ments of the great broil. [2b Job.] I'm your boy, sir. Third 
edition. {^Offers paper ?^ 

JOB . 

Let me have it. 

NEWSBOY. 

Money fust, sir. 

JOB . 

You little rascal! [Holds tip cane.] Well, there is your 
money. [Gives money.] Perhaps you are right in trusting no 
one. [Takes paper ; loohs at it.] Why, I do not see any fur- 
ther developments. 

NEWSBOY. 

It's on the inside, sir. [Aside.] What a jolly green un he is! 
— it's same as t'other. Guess I hadn't better vamose mighty sud- 
den—Oh, no! [Steals off on tiptoe., L. H.] 

JOB. 

I cannot find it. What is this? — "first edition." My boy, you 
have made a mistake. [Turns.] Not here! Then the little 
rascal meant to cheat me; and there he is, [points off stage., L. 
II..,] running as if for dear life. Here, you boy ! 

AETHTJK. 

What is it, uncle ? 

JOB . 

Why, that little villain has swindled me. He has sold me two 
of the same edition. I must go after him. 

ARTHUR. 

No use, uncle. He is round the corner by this time. 

JOB. 

That boy is a smart one. He will be mayor one of these 
days. 

AETHTIR . 

You have bought your experience cheap. 

JOB. 

Yes; I will put this one in ray pocket, [puts paper in pocket,] 
to remind me in future to keep my eyes open. 

41 



Act 11.1 WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene IIL 

ARTHUR. 

Man is a treacherous animal. Ah ! [looMng off, R. H.,] here 
comes the hero, with his '■'■fiancee''' and her mother. [Enter Vane 
and Helen arm in arm. Mrs. Grafton side of Helen, R. H. 
Enter Bob, L. .K, running. Speaks to Vane.] 

bob, aside. 
There she is, sir, {Points off, L. JI.] 

vane. 
The devil ! 

bob. 
No, sir; Miss Charlotte. [Aside.] That wasn't bad. [Exit, 
R.H.] 

VANE. 

Helen, I must leave you. I have an engagement at four 
o'clock. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

"Will you not dine with us? 

V ANE . 

I regret I cannot. I give a dinner at the club to-day. Good- 
bye, Helen. [Offers hand. Helen refuses. He bows. Exit, R. 
H., hurriedly.'] 

JOB, aside to arthuk. 
A loving couple ! 

ARTHUR, aside to job. 
Truth and Virtue ! 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Why, Mr. Merryweather ! I am delighted to see you. [Shake 
hands. Bows to Arthur.] 

HELEN, aside. 
Arthur here ? [Boies to Arthur.] 

JOB. 

Thank you. Well, Helen, how do you do? [Shake hands.] 

HELEN. 

In body, well ; in mind — 

42 



ActII?[ WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. 

MRS. GRAFTON, interrupting. 
When did you arrive ? 

JOB . 

This morning. I intended calling. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Come and dine with us. Strictly " e/i-/aww7Ze." Only Mr. 
Hearty. 

JOB. 

I will, with pleasure. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I shall be happy to see Mr. Beaufort, also. 

ARTHUR. 

Pray excuse me, I am already promised. 

HELEN, aside. 
Surely he could not come. 

ARTHUR, aside. 
This is done to try me. I will go — [aloiul] — however, I will call 
this evening, if agreeable. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I shall be pleased to see you. 

HELEN, aside, 
I might have known he would. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Remember, Mr. Merryweather, I shall expect you. We dine 
at five. [To Helen.] Come, daughter, let us continue our walk. 

HELEN. 

Mother, I shall go home. [Aside.'] I can bear this no longei'. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Very well, my child. Good afternoon, gentlemen. [Boies. 
Exit Mrs. Grafton and Helen, E. H. Job escorts them to wing.] 

ARTHUR, aside. 

I feel I love her yet, in spite of all. [Job comes down stage.] 

43 



Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene U I. 

JOB, aside. 
Well, well, I find the scar throbs even now. [Aloud.] Come, 
Arthur, let us walk. 

ARTHUR. 

It is late. I must go home and dress. 

JOB. 

Very well ; I will take a stroll before dinner. If I do not see 
you before, where shall we meet to-night ? 

ARTHUR. 

At the Union Place Hotel, at eleven o'clock. 

JOB. 

I will be there. " Au revoir." 

ARTHUR. 

"ylw revoir.^^ [Aside, going.] I almost begin to doubt the truth 
of my philosophy. [Exit, L. H.] 

JOB. 

Poor boy ! I wish I could give him happiness. That is the only 
" remedy for a mind diseased." Unfortunately I cannot. [Going, 
£. H., meets Blanche entering, B. H.] 

BLANCHE. 

Why, Cousin Job, when did you come to town ? 

JOB. 

This morning. And how is my little torment ? 

BLANCHE. 

Very well. Why have you not been to see us ? 

JOB. 

I have not had time. However, I am going to dine with you. 

BLANCHE. 

How fortunate ! You are the very person I wanted to see. 

JOB. 

Is it your gracious pleasure to tell me why ? 

BLANCHE. 

Yes, my lord, you can aid me. 
44 



Act//.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene lU. 

JOB. 

In what new piece of mischief? 

BLANCHE. 

None, this time. 

JOB. 

Now I am curious. 

BLANCHE. 

I want you to help me break off Helen's engagement 

JOB. 

Why? 

BLANCHE. 

She detests the hypocrite she is betrothed to. 

JOB. 

Then, why does she not break it off? 

BLANCHE. 

She cannot. Do you not remember the promise she made at 
uncle's death-bed ? 

JOB. 

I had forgotten it 

BLANCHE. 

Her mother holds her to it 

JOB. 

How can I assist you ? 

BLANCHE. 

By appealing to aunt I know you used to love her. She has 
not forgotten it Now, if you will only appeal, she may be pre- 
vailed upon to change her mind. Won't you do it — that's a good 

cousin ? 

JOB. 

Stop ! stop ! Not so fast What, if she refuse ? 

BLANCHE. 

Will you try ? 

JOB. 

I will ; still I doubt my success. 

BLANCHE. 

If you do not succeed, I have a plot which shall. 
45 



Acill.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. I 

\\ 

JOB. 

What is this great plot ? 

B L A N ir E . 
That you shall know when I hear the result of your appeal. 

JOB. 

Rather impudent that, Miss. I suppose I must be satisfied to * 

wait your ladyship's pleasure. 

BLANOHE, 

Yes, my lord. Come, cousin Job, let us go, or we shall be late 
for dinner. Remember the appeal. 

JOB. 

Yes ; then if persuasion does not win — [Blanche taJces Job's 
arm.] 

BLANCHE. 

"We must try finesse. [Exeunt., R. H. Enter Newsboy, L. H. 
hands in pocket — whistling.] 

newsboy. 

I've done it up to-day, I have. 1 ha'int got one left. A murder 
extra's some, but an exposy goes off like hot cakes. Halloo, what's 
that? [Picks lip pajjer thrown down iy Arthur — untwists it.] 
Golly, if it ain't one of them hidentical ones that old codger got; I 
know'd it, cause they was both fust editions I sold him. " Jimmin- 
ny wee, Peters !" wasn't he jolly green ! Grass aint nothing to him ! 
[Smoothes paper, puts under arm?^ Guess I'll sell some other old 
lummux. [Going, calls.] ''^\'e!?,{hQ Extra Herald! — grand exposy 
in Fifth avenue ! — great broil among the codfish ! 'Ere you are, 
sir, I'm your boy ; I'm the only one what's got the third edition. 
[Exit, B. K] 

[End of Act Second.] 



46 



Act lit] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [SemeL 

SCENE FIRST. 

Library at Mrs. Grafton's. At rising of Curtain, Mrs. 
Grafton and Job Merryweather discovered seated on Sofa. 
Helen and Arthur iy Table. Arthur reading Booh on Table. 
Blanche and Cuarley playing Chess. 

CHARLEY. 

Check to the queen. 

BLANCHE . 

No knight shall capture this queen. 

CHARLEY . 

One will — with a bishop. 

ARTHUR, reading. 

" Who dotes, yet doubts ; suspects, yet strongly loves." 
[Speaks to Helen.] Such a man is a fool ! Do you not think 
so? 

HELEN. 

No; for there is "that within which passeth show." 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

■And you, once so great a beau, dislike society? 

JOB. 

Yes; it has sadly changed since my day. Then, it was an 
arena for the display of wit and intellect ; now, it has become a 
play -ground for children. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

You would not banish youth ? 

CHARLEY. 

No check ! 

JOB. 

Not if they pay that deference which age and gray hairs de- 
serve. Alas ! how is it ? I give a party ; I, the head of the 

47 



Act III] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

house, am nobody ; my feet are trod upon ; I am jostled into a 
corner, and that without a word of apology, save, perhaps, the 
half-muttered speech, " Serves him right ! what business has 
the 'old fogy' to get in the way !" In fact, I'm treated as an 
intruder in my own home. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I confess the picture is truthful ; yet, in their spring-time, we 
must deal gently with youth and beauty. 

JOB. 

Beauty? The bright flowers which toss their heads within 
the circle, I grant, have beauty ; for sweetness, however, give m© 
those which grow against the wall. 

BLANCHE. 

Check. Take care, or I shall win the game. 

CHARLEY . 

Beauty always wins. 

JOB . 

I fear I have been very prosy. Come, Helen, enliven us with 
a song. 

HELEN. 

Pray excuse me : I cannot sing to-night. 

MRS. GRAFTON, <0 JOB. 

Helen is not in voice this evening. [To Arthur,] "Will Mr. 
Beaufort favour us? 

ARTHUR, aside. 

Another trial. [Aloud.l Certainly, if it is any gratification. 
What shall it be ? 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Helen shall choose. 

ARTHUR, to Helen. 
I await your orders. * 

HELEN. 

I am at a loss. 

ARTHUR. 

What say you to " The spell is broke," or " One struggle more, 
and I am free ?" 

48 



Act III] WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene I. 

HELEN. 

Either you wish ; or any other simple ballad. {Aside.1 A 
shot at me. 

ARTHUR. 

I sing nothing else, for I hate your modern "would-be 
operatic," bad singing, and worse Italian. [Crosses stage to 
Blajsohe.] 

HELEN, 

Another shot. 

ARTHUR, to Blanche. 

Will you accompany me ? 

BLANCHE. 

With pleasure. [They go to piano. Blanche ^Zaj/s, Arthur 
sings.] 

THE WHEAT BLOSSOM. 

MCSJC BT GEO. F. BRISTOW. 
I. 

" In childhood's hour of ' long ago,' 
In dawn of youth I wandered free ; 
Nor dreamt that I should ever know 
The bow of love was bent at me. 
II. 
"I sported wild through meadows gi-een, 
'Mid autumn leaves, in youthful glee ; 
I never thought, till thee I'd seen, 
1 should love's captive ever be. 

III. 
" The dawn is past, the day has broke, 
On earth I'll ne'er again be free ; 
In smiling tears I'll bear the yoke — 
Love's captive through eternity." 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Mr. Beaufort, I thank you. [Arthur boios.] 

JOB. 

It is a beautiful song. Who wrote it ? 

ARTHUR. 

A friend of mine ; he wrote it in a moment of happiness. It 
was ephemeral. 

HELEN, aside. 
That song is the hardest shot of all ; it sinks deep. 
c 49 



Actlll.'] WHEAT AND CHAFF. \Swn6 1. 

A. K T II u E, to Blanche. 
Miss Blanche, I owe you an apology for the trouble I have 
given. 

BLANCHE. 

Not at all. You are welcome. Now, Mr. Hearty, to finish 
our game: I left you in check — nearly mated. \^Goes to tahle.\ 

oiiAELEY, aside. 
I wish I was. {They «^Y.] 

HELEN, aside. 
To choose that song, the very one he wrote for me. Unkind. 
No, I deserve it. {Enter Thomas, C] 

THOMAS. 

The girl from the milliner's, madam. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I will be with her in a moment. [Thomas hoios. Exit., C] 
Excuse me, gentlemen, I must leave Helen to entertain you. 

JOB. 

I am sure she will not refuse. {Exit Mrs. Grafton, C] 
ARTHUR, aside. 

I can bear this scene no longer. The sad memories which 
that song recalls unman me. I must go, or I shall forget my- 
self. {To Helen.] I have another call to make. So, I must 
tear myself away. Uncle Job, I will be at our rendezwus at 
eleven. 

JOB. 

Very well ; I will be there. 

ARTHUR. 

Good evening, ladies. 

BLANCHE and CHARLEY. 

Good-night. 

ARTHUR. 

Good-night, Charley. {Bows to Helen. She retmms it. Aside, 
going.'] This playing a part — 'tis fearful. {Exit, C] 

CHARLEY. 

There goes a castle. {Tahes castle.] 
50 



Adlll.'X WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Seem I. 

BL ANOnE. 

'Tis worth a queen. {Takes quee^i.] 

HELEN, aside. 
He is gone ; my heart went with him. 

JOB, aside. 
Poor hoy ; shall I tell him of her promise ? No, I will not ; 
it would do no good. [To Helen.] Why so sad, ray child? 

HELEN. 

One must be sad with a breaking heart. 

JOB. 

What, engaged to a handsome, rich, fashionable man, and not 
happy ! how is this ? Do you not love him ? 

HELEN. 

I hate him ! Oh, sir, if you remember the days of your love, 
save me from this terrible sacrifice ; if you cannot, I dare not 
think to what it will lead. 

JOB. 

My child, you choose your own fate ; as you have sown, so 
must you reap. 

HELEN. 

Be it so. [Enter Mrs. Grafton, C] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I trust Helen has done her duty ? 

JOB. 

She wishes to do it. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I hope so. Where is Mr. Beaufort? 

JOB. 

He had to pay another visit. 

BLANCHE. 

Checkmate, at last. I've won the game. 

CHARLEY. 

I believe chess is not in my line ; it's too deep. Give me all- 
fours, that's my game. 

51 



Act III] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Seme I. 

JOB. 

Blanche. 

BLANCHE. 

Well, cousin ? 

JOB. 

Come here, I want to whisper. [To Mrs. Grafton.] Pardon 
the impoliteness. [Aside^ to Blanche.] When you clear the 
field, I will open the battery. [Aloud.1 Keep it secret. 

BLANCHE. 

I will. Come, Helen, let us go into the library ; Mr. Hearty 
is dying for his cigar. 

CHARLEY. 

The very thing I was longing for. 

BLANCHE, aside to Charley. 
You see I always know what you desire. [Job speaJcs, while 
Helen, Blanche and Charley are going.] 
job. 
Take care, Mr. Hearty, the enemy are in force two to one. 

CHARLEY. 

It matters not, sir ; I am already a prisoner. 

BLANCHE, 

I mean to keep him so. "Victory or death" is my motto. 

[Kreunt, C] 

job, aside. 

Youth ! youth ! what a priceless jewel art thou to thy pos- 
sessor ! trifle not wnth it, ye young, nor cast it from you ; for 
once lost, it is beyond recall. [To Mrs. Grafton.] How 
pleasant it is to find, in this generation of aged children, a little 
youthful freshness. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Yes, though it is rarely seen, even in the young. 

JOB. 

We were young once, Catharine ; I call you so, for I ever re- 
member the days of our childhood. My heart is heavy when I 
picture to myself what I might have been — what I am. Have 
you forgotten them ? 

52 



ActUL] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

MRS. GEAFTON. 

No, I have not. 

JOB. 

Then, in the spirit of our childhood, I appeal to you : think 
of Helen. Do you feel that, in stlecting Mr. Vane, you are do- 
ing what is best? Is she happy? Does she love him ? 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Perhaps not, now ; she will, when she finds how worthy of 
her love he is. 

JOB. 

Is he? [Taltes newspaper from jwdiet.} Read that. [Hands 
paper. Mrs. Grafton taTces iti\ Then tell me if you can trust 
her happiness to such a scoundrel. [Mrs. Grafton appears to 
read. Aside.'\ Half of that would convince a man, but women 
— [Shrugs his shoulders.'] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

If this were true, I neither would nor could. I believe it 
false. I know it is too much the custom of many — the going about 
from house to house — maliciously hinting every thing bad except 
crime — sometimes even that — of any young man who may have 
offended their pi-ide, or excited then- jealousy. [Gires back 
paper.} 

JOB, aside. 

She would not be convinced though the sun stood still. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

No ! I reflected deeply before I chose him. Having done 
so, nothing but an undoubted proof of his unworthiness can 
change me ; he must acknowledge it. When he does that the 
engagement ceases. 

JOB, aside. 

My appeal fails. I expected as much. This, also. [IToJds up 
paper.'] What is to be done now ? Ah ! the plot of Blanche — I 
will trust in that. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Yes ; when he acknowledges it, the engagement ceases. 
53 



Adlli:] WHEAT AND CHAFF. \Scenel 

JOB. 

Remember, I shall liold you to your promise. I will make 
him acknowledge that, {holds up paper,'] or worse. [Puts paper 
in pocket] 

MES. GEAFTON. 

I doubt it. 

JOB. 

I will try. I can but fail. [Enter Blanche, C] 

MES. GEAFTON. 

Why, Blanche, where is Helen ? 

BLANCHE. 

She has retired ; she says her head aches. [Aside.'] It is her 
heart not her head. [Looks at Mes. Geafton.] You have made 
it ache, you old Gorgon ! 

MES. GEAFTOK. 

Excuse me, Mr. Merry weather ; I must go to her. 

JOB. 

Certainly; by all means. [Exit Mes. Geafton, C] Well, 
Blanche, where did you leave Mr. Hearty ? 

BLANCHE. 

Smoking his cigar. I believe the good-for-nothing fellow pre- 
fers that to me. I will be even with him. Well, Cousin Job, did 
aunt grant your appeal ? 

JOB . 

No ; not exactly. 

BLANCHE. 

I feared she would not. Now you shall hear my plot. Read 
that. [TaTces letter from, pocket ; hands to Son. He takes it.] 
Mr. Vane dropped it in the library this morning. I found it. 

JOB, reads letter aloud. 
" Herbert Vane, if you do not to-day return the watch you 
stole from me, under the plea of having it repaired, I will inform 
the police. I have seen your father ; he told me I was a fool to 
trust you. Attend to this at once, or you will regret it. 

" Chaelotte Temple." 
54 



Act 111] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene J. 

[Spealcs.'\ A strange letter, indeed ! a very strange letter I 
Why did you not give it me before? It would convince your 
aunt. 

BLANCHE. 

Not a bit of it. She would show it to Mr. Vane. Of course 
he would deny it ; laugh, and say, [^imitating Vane,] " Ah ! 
really. Ton my life! Where did you get it? Rather shabliy 
trick for one's friends to play, wasn't it?" He is shrewd enough 
for that. No; we must take him olf his guard. 

JOB. 

An easy matter to say "take him oif his guard" — a difficult 
one to do. 

BLANCHE. 

I have it all arranged. We shall need Charley's assistance. 



JOB. 

Then, you had better call him. 



BLANCHE. 

Not a word shall he know of the plot, save his own part ; 
otherwise, he would put it all out of my head, with his [imitates 
Chaeley] "Don't you think this would be better? Isn't that a 
little too steep ?" or more such sapient remarks — for he is not 
very deep. No ; not a word to him. 

JOB. 

You speak not very deferentially of your future husband. 

BLANCHE. 

Deferentially ? Men were made to be women's slaves. 

JOB. 

I see you go in for " women's rights." 

BLANCHE. 

Yes, sir, I do that. Not, however, in public, nor on the plat- 
form, (as a few weak ones of our sex desire,) but at home, and in 
the nursery — where woman must and will rule " till time shall 
be no more." 

55 



Act III] WHEAT A\D CHAFF. [Scene I. 

JOB. 

That is now, if we believe the papers. 

BLANCHE. 

Not quite yet; we are only a little a-liead, by the last tele- 
gram. [^Enter Charley, C] Now for our plot. [Both look at 
letter.] 

CHARLEY. 

A conspiracy, " 'pon my honour," a conspiracy ! A letter, too 
— "damning proof!" 

BLANCHE. 

You horrid fellow ! You are always in the way, when least 
wanted. 

CHARLEY. 

Come, come ! no hard words. I have taken you in the act. 

Confess ! deliver up the letter. [Solemnly.] I will take the papers 

in this case, and give a written opinion to-morrow — or next year, 

— if condemned ! 

JOB, interriipting. 

Pray, recommend us to mercy. 

CHARLEY. 

Silence ! The court will not be interrupted. If condemned, 
appeal — get a new trial, then you will cert?inly go " unwhipt of 
justice." She is blind. She used to be honest ; now she is Non 
est, — since she is burnt up, scales and all. Joking aside, what is 
this plot ? 

BLANCHE. 

You are to know — 

CHARLEY. 

Well? 

BLANCHE. 

Nothing about it, sir. What you have to do, is, to do precisely 
what I shall tell you hereafter. 

CHARLEY, to Job. 
Imperative mood, sir. You see what a tyrant she is. 

job. 
It is always so before marriage. Afterwards — 
56 



Act III] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

CHARLEY. 

I shall be master. 

BLANCHE. 

We shall see about that. 

JOB. 

Well, I must go. If I stay longer, jesting with you, I shall 
keep Arthur waiting. Rehearse Mr. Hearty's part with him, 
Blanche. I will see you in the morning. 

BLANCHE. 

He shall be perfect. 

JOB. 

We will give the victim one chance for escape : should he refuse 
it, why then, — "Let the axe fall." Good-night, my dear. [Offers 
to l-iss her; Blanche draws iacl:] What, mind an old fellow 
like me — a cousin, too ? [Aside to Blanche.] Besides, it will 
make him jealous. [TJiey hiss each other.] Good-night, Mr. 
Hearty. [Going.] We will win, Blanche; truth and love shall 
triumph— justice have her victim ! [E.vit, C.] 

CHARLEY. 

Look here, Blanche, I don't like that 

BLANCHE. 

Don't like what? 

CHARLEY. 

Your kissing, that way. It isn't right. 
BLANCHE, aside. 
He is jealous. [Aloud.] Pshaw ! he is only a cousin. 

CHARLEY. 

Confound such cousins ! say I. 

BLANCHE. 

If you don't be quiet, I'll have a dozen next time. 

CHARLEY. 

Then I will. I want no more cousins, at any price. Now tell 
me the plot 

BLANCHE. 

I shall do no such thing. What your part in it is, I wiU inform 
you to-morrow. 

c* 57 



ActlII.1 WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene L 

CHARLEY. 

You shall suflfer for this in the future ! 

BLANCHE. 

I am content; let the future take care of itself. {Charley holes 
cross. Blanche goes pats hiiti.] Poor little dear, if it behaves 
itselfj and isn't cross, I will tell it what the plot is for 1 

CHARLEY. 

That's a good girl ! What is it ? 

BLANCHE. 

To give that horrid Vane his " quietus." 

CHARLEY. 

That's great; it will serve him right. I say, Blanche, when 
are we to be married ? have I to wait another century ? 

BLANCHE. 

You know, Charley, I cannot marry, without aunt's consent, 
imtil I'm twenty-one. 

CHARLEY. 

She will never consent. 

BLANCHE. 

Then we must wait. 

CHARLEY. 

Why ? I do not want your money ; true, I have not much, 
etill we can live in the country, and " Love in a Cottage." 

BLANCHE. 

" Stuff and nonsense !" "Love in a Cottage," indeed! I prefer 
comfort in the city to poverty in the country. 

CHARLEY. 

I suppose I must wait ? 

BLANCHE. 

Certainly you must : however, this I promise, the day Helen 
marries Arthur, we will be married — aunt or no aunt. 

CHARLEY. 

Do you mean it ? Is it a compact ? 
58 



Ad IV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I 

BLANCHE. 

As true as I live. 

CHARLEY. 

Hurrah ! Let's sign and seal it. 

BLANCHE. 

How? 

CH AKLEY. 

I will show you. 

BLANCHE. 

There are no witnesses. [Enter Mrs. Grafton, (7., unperceived.l 

CHARLEY. 

Never mind them ; it will be binding without. {Kisses her.'] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Blanche ! 

CHARLEY, aside. 

A witness, with a vengeance ! 

BLANCHE, aside. 
She has caught me this time. [Exeunt Blanche and Charley, 
opposite sides, running.] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

A modern flirtation. 

End of Third Act. 



SCENE FIRST. 

Moonlight View of Union Sqvare. Enter Artittr, L. H, 

ARTHUR, alone. 

It is now [taTces out loafch] five minutes to eleven. Uncle will 

soon be here. I will wait without. [Crosses stage.] Life! life! 

what an ever-changing pi(-ture art thou! Yon moon, smiles 

calmly peaceful, over this slumbering hive — of weary workers, and 

.51) 



Act IF.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene L 

heartless drones. Lasts it ? No ! A storm comes on, and in a 
moment, all is blackness! Such is my life's picture. A few short 
hours ago, it breathed through golden tints, now the storm lias 
come, and darkness shadows it. What consolation have I ? my 
philosophy ? I find too late it is false and hollow ; it is pleasant 
to the eye, but there is dust within. [Enter Haokman, E. H.] 

H A OEM AN. 

Want a carriage, sir ? 

ARTHUE. 

No. 

H A OKM AN. 

Drive you anywheres to-night, sir, half price. 

ARTHUR. 

I tell you, no. 

H A K M A N , aside. 
He's a snob — haint got a dollar. [Exit, R. H.] 

ARTHUR. 

That man is happier far than I — life without mind — existence 
without thought. [Eater, E. 11., Vane, Brown, Jones, Smith, 
and Robinson.] 

BROWN. 

I say, boys, let's go in and take a drink. 

JONES, SMITH, AND ROBINSON. 

All right ! 

JONES. 

Who stands treat ? 

smith. 
Yane, of course. 

BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON. 

All right ! 

VANE. 

" 'Pon my life," you are always very willing to drink at my 
expense ; not to-might, however. I am going to Deuce's. 

BROWN. 

Well, we won't leave you : will we, boys? We'll go with him. 

JONES, SMITH, AND ROBINSON. 

All right I 

VANE. 

Then come along. 

60 



ActlF.] .WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

BEOWN, JONES, SMITH, AND ROBINSON. 

All right! [Kteunt, L. ^.] 

A K T H r E . 

The tree and its parasites ; while there is any sap left, they 
cling to it lovingly, shutting out the brighter life — when with- 
ered, gracefully droop away, enclose some other in their insi- 
dious coils, and leave it lone and desolate — a ruined monument 
of treacherous friendship. " Such is life." [JEnter Bob, Z. IT., 
Thomas, H. H.] 

THOMAS. 

Halloo, Bob! you're all out, aint you? 

BOB. 

Tm around — some. 

THOMAS. 

Why, you look like a bright door-knob ! 

BOB. 

Guess I don't look bad. 

T H JI A s . 
Bad — you're mighty purty, you are 1 

BOB. 

Look a-here, old squaretoes, don't try that on ; I haint got 
nothing to lend. " Neary a red." 

THOMAS. 

Oh, get out I "Where are you going ? 

BOB. 

To a ball. 

THOMAS. 

Pretty late, isn't it ? 

BOB. 

'Taint fashionable to go before next day. 

THOMAS. 

Where is it ? 

BOB. 

At the old wigwam. 

THOMAS. 

What's it for ? 

BOB. 

Prim'ry election ball. I'm going to run for alderman. 
61 



MtlV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

THOMAS. 

You won't be elected, will you ? 

B f» B. 

Won't I ! I've got the irons [imitates Jiandciiffing] on the wke- 
pullers. Besides, I'm leader of the German. 

THOMAS. 

You don't say so ! 

BOB. 

Don't I ! I've chalked out a stunning figure ! 

T n Jt A s . 
What is it ? 

BOB. 

The Sachems' scalp dance ! — to tickle the ins out. Come along, 
old "Kiss-me-quick!" it'll be jolly ! 

THOMAS. 

I dar'n't — I'm a Republican. 

BOB. 

Then go to blazes, " old smashpipes !" Wood up 

THOMAS. 

You're a smart one! you're going it! I say, Bob, we're going 
to have a ball to-morrow night. 

BOB. 

You don't say so ? can't you ring a feller in ? 

THOMAS. 

We mought ; drop in, we'll be happy to see you. 

BOB. 

That's jolly, old peg-top ! I'll spin in— I'll be thar. [Exit, 
Thomas, L. H. Enter Hackman, R. H.] 

HACKM AN. 

Want a carriage, sir ? 

BOB. 

Guess I don't want nothing else. 

hackman. 
Where shall I drive, sir ? 

BOB. 

To old Tammany. What'll you charge ? 
62 



Act IV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Sce?ie I. 

H ACKMAN. 

Dollar, sir. 

BOB. 

Now, look a-here, old " stick-in-the-mud," you can't come that 
game over me ; " I'm up to snuff." I'll give you a half. 

n AC KMAN. 

Do you want to take the bread away from me ? 

BOB. 

Gammon ! I can " smell a rat." 

H A C K M A N . 

You're a ^'■doiony cove !" you are. I 'spose I must 

BOB. 

Then start your machine. \_GoingJ\ Why don't you come along ! 
{^Exeunt Bob and Hackman, R. HJ\ 

ARTHUR. 

These puppets steal their master's words, with their cast-off 
clothes. \_Enter Job, L. H.] 

JOB . 

I am sorry I have kept you waiting. 

ARTHUR. 

Never mind, uncle. I have been reading "Life below Stairs." 

JOB. 

Suppose we walk ? 

ARTHUR. 

I am ready. [.Job and Arthur go, L. H. — meet Beggar, enter, 
L. H.-\ 

BEGGAR. 

Noble gentleman, give me sixpence to buy some bread — my 
children are starving ! 

ARTHUR, aside. 
Most probably this beggar is an impostor. Yet perchance my 
mite may prevent a crime. \^Aloud.'\ Here, my good woman, is 
a sixpence for you. 

63 



Act IK] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scejie JT. 

BEGGAR. 

Heaven bless your kind face, sir ! you have saved my children 
from starving ! [Exit, R. £[.] 

JOB. 

My boy, you forget what you are. 

ARTHUR. 

What I am ! 

JOB. 

Yes ; a cynic. 

ARTHUR. 

Pshaw ! it was only a sixpence. 

JOB. 

A penny, given in true charity, shows the "heart is in the right 
place." 

ARTHUR. 

Come along, uncle, you are getting sentimental ; and I hate 
sentiment. 

JOB. 

Even to a beggar, eh ? Well, let us go. [Exeunt^ L. II\ 



SCENE SECOND. 

Entrance to the Hell. Enter^ R. IT., Vane, Brown, Jones, 
S iTH, a w(Z Robinson ; Y a'se crosses to L. M., rings bell. Enter 
Servant, L. H., during business. 

brow n. 
Here we are at last, " Safe and snug as a bug in a rug." 

JONES, SMITH, AND ROBINSON. 

All right. 

VANE, to Servant. 
How is the game to-night ? 

servant. 
Not very lively, sir. 

BROWN. 

We'll wake 'em up ; won't we, boys ? 
64 



ActJV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. 

JONES, SMITH, AND ROBINSON. 

All right. [E.i'eunt, L. H.^ Vane, Smith, ami Eobinson; 
Brown stojjs Jones.] 

BROWN. 

See here, Jones; "hold up a bit." 

JONES. 

Halloo! "What's up?" 

BROWN. 

Vane's played out — he's bust. 

JONES. 

The devil he is ? 

BROWN. 

Yes ; " flat as a flounder." So, if he wants to borrow, [puts 
finger to Hose,] you know, "a nod's as good as a wiuk." 

JONES. 

I'll keep my "weather eye" open. [Exeunt^ L. H. Enter 
Job and Arthur, R. JI.] 

JOB. 

And this is the entrance to the labyrinth, where, once lost, 
there is no escape, save death. 

ARTHUR. 

No three-headed Chebei'us (Jenks would say) to bark intruders 
back. ''^ Facilis descensus Averni,'''' uncle. [Crosses, L. H. ; 
rings lell ; door op^/<s.] The way to hell lies open. 

JOB. 

I pray the Fates to grant a safe return. [Exeunt, L. H.] 

SCENE THIRD. 

Vane discovered seated hy end of Pharo Table, facing, H. IT., 
Dealer in his place, C. of Table. Brown, Jones, Smith, and 
EoBiNSON playing at Table. During Scene, Players give 
Dealer Money ; he returns Ch ips. 

DEALER. 

Knave loses — deuce wins. [Tal-cs chips from table.'] 
65 



Act I v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. 

VANE. 

Lost again! [Aside.l Will the tide never turn — the ebb 
cease ? 

DEALER. 

Now deal, gentleman. [Shuffles cards.\ 

VANE. 

Hold ! Give me a fresh pack. [Dealer hands another pach. 
Aside, while shvffling.] I will try if Fortune will not smile in 
her new dress. [Hands pach to Dealer. He cuts it; puts in 
pharo-iox, during husiness. Vane, aloud.] Bring me some 
brandy and a cigar. [Servant hands them to Vane.] 
dealer. 

Queen head, gentleman — make your bets. 

VANE. 

Fifty on the knave ! [Puts chi2)s on Jcnave.] 

dealer. 
Knave loses — queen wins. [Tal-es chips.] 

vane, aside. 
The cursed luck ! [Aloud.] Fifty on the seven, nine. [Puts 
chips on seven.] 

DEALER. 

Nine loses — nine wins. [Takes half of chips on seven.] 

VANE, aloud. 
A split! [Aside.] Fortune turns her face with half a smile. 

DEALER. 

Eight loses — king wins. [Enter Job and Arthur, L. H] 

JOB. 

Then this is Hades ? 

ARTHUR. 

Yes ; and the lair of the " Tiger.'''' 

DEALER. 

Deuce loses — Ace wins. [Enter Deuce, C] 

DEUCE. 

Ah ! Mr. Beaufort, I am delighted to see you ! [Shakes hands.] 
This is the first time you have fjivoured us, " d'you see." 



Act IV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. 

DEALER. 

Five loses — seven wins. 

A R T n u K . 
I very rarely " fight the Tiger." 

DEUCE. 

Ha ! ha ! very good, " d'you see." Who is your friend ? In- 
troduce me. 

A R T n r K . 

Uncle, let me introduce Mr. Deuce. Mr. Merryweather. [Job 
and Deuce bow.] Is a stranger in town. I have brought him 
here to show him one of the " lions" of the metropolis. 

dealer. 
Knave loses — queen wins. 

deuce. 
You flatter me, " d'you see !" 

JOB. 

I have often heard of you, Mr. Deuce. You wield an iron hand 
here. 

DEALER. 

King loses — ten wins. 

DEUCE. 

Still, to my friends, it is gloved, "d'you see !" 

DEALER. 

Tr6 loses — Deuce wins. 

DEUCE. 

Come, gentlemen, walk in, and have some supper. There is a 
fine pair of canvas-backs, and a little champagne, ^'' Le jrremkt; 
'd'you see.' " 

ARTHUR, aside. 

Please the palate, excite the brain ; and then, " remorse will 
down." 

DEALER. 

Eight loses — queen wins. [Going towards iach] 

ARTHUR, asid-e to Job. 
You see [points to Vane] my rival is not a saint. 
67 



JcilV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. 

JOB, aside to Artour. 
No ; better marry a beggar, than a gambler. 

DEUCE, calls. 
A bottle of Cliquot, "d'you see." Walk in. [Tb Job and 
Arthur.] 

D E A L ER . 

Four loses — Deuce wins. New deal, gentlemen. [Hxit Job, 
Arthur, Deuce, O. Dvrhig this scene the playing never ceases. 
Shuffles paclc — puts in hox.'\ 

VANE, aside. 

All gone but this paltry stake. [Holds up chips.] Curses on 
thetn ! [Aloud.] Some brandy. [Servant hands it.] 

DEALER. 

Deuce head ; gentlemen, make your bets. [Vane puts down 
chips on a card — withdraws them.] 

vane. 

No ; I will not bet this time. Go on with the deal. 

dealer. 

Bets all made, gentlemen ? [Deals car-ds.] Ten loses — seven 

wins. 

VANE, a^ide. 

The seven has won three times, I will stake my last upon its 

losing the fourth. [Puts chips on seven. Aloud.] I copper the 

seven. 

DEALER. 

Knave loses— seven wins. 

VANE, aside. 
My last dollar is gone, but fortune shall smile. I will borrow 
some money of Brown. 

DEALER. 

King loses — king wins. [Vane heclons Brown down stage.] 

VANE. 

Brown, lend me some money, will you ? 

BROWN. 

Bless me, my dear fellow, I left my pocket-book at home. 
68 



Act IV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. iScene IIL 

VANE. 

I never told you that. [BecTcons Jones.] 

DEALER. 

Six loses — four wins. 

VANE. 

Jones, will you lend me some money ? 

JONES. 

Sorry, Vane, haven't got a V about me. 

VANE. 

I never answered you so. 

DEALER. 

One turn, gentlemen — deuce, queen, knave. 
VANE, aside. 

Deuce, queen, knave — the queen must lose, the knave shall win. 
I will venture once again, and if my good angel has not forsaken 
me, I shall quadruple the amount. 

DEALER. 

Bets all made, gentlemen ? 

VANE. 

Stop, time. [Goes to side-table, lorites cTieck ; comes to Pharo- 
taile, 2}i(K^es it with copper on queen, to Imave.] I copper the 
queen — knave. [Enter Job, Arthur, Deuce, C] 

DEALER. 

Knave loses — queen wins. 

VANE, aside. 
I was ruined before — to-morrow I shall be dishonoured. 

DEUCE, to Job. 
Fortune is a queer jade, sir. " D'you see" that young man, sir? 
[Points to Vane, going, exit, C] 

DEALER. 

Four loses — eight wins. 

JOB. 

Yes — Mr. Vane. 

DEUCE. 

Well, sir, "d'yousee" heisruined ? [Arthur comes down stage.] 
69 



Act IV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene HI. 

ARTHUR, aside. 
Herbert ruined ? 

DEA LER. 

Five loses — nine wins. 

DEUCE. 

He has lost his last dollar — and, " d'you see," that check is not 
worth a red ! 

DEALER. 

Deuce l'>-cs — knave wins. 

JOB. 

Then to-morrow he will be disgraced. 

DEUCE. 

Pardon me ! I shall return it, " d'you see," to-night. 

DEALER. 

Knave loses — deuce wins. 

ARTHUR, aside. 

Ruined ! Now I am revenged ! Revenged — down, unworthy, 
bnse thought ! Though he has betrayed me — robbed me of my 
happiness, still, for her sake, and for sake of the olden time, I 
will help him. 

DEALER. 

Eight loses — queen wins. 

ARTHUR, ^0 Deuce. 

Mr. Deuce, will you oblige me by returning to Mr. Vane what 

he has lost to-night ; in the morning let me know the amount, I 

will refund it. 

deuce. 

Pardon me. I am going to do it myself, " d'you see." 

dealer. 
Ace loses — nine wins. 

ARTHUR. 

I insist. 

deuce. 

"Well, if you insist, I'll tell you what I will do ! " D'you see," 

I'll go you halves. To no other compromise will I agree. 

dealer. 

Nine loses — four wins. 

70 



Act IP:] wheat and chaff. [Scenelll. 

AETHUK, 

Well, be it so. I charge you not to inform him of my share 
in this matter. 

DETJOE. 

Certainly not, if you desire it. 

DEALER. 

Seven loses — deuce wins. 

JOB . 

Mr. Deuce, I honour you for this act. [Shake hands.] 

DEUCE. 

I hope we are none of us as "had as we seem," "d'you see." 

A K T n u E . 
Hereafter, Mr. Deuce [shake hands] I shall think the " devil 
is never as black as he is painted." 

DEUCE. 

Now, "'pon my honour," you flatter me, "d'you see." 

JOB AND ARTHUE. 

Good-night. 

DEUOE. 

Good-night, gentlemen. Call again. [Goes to taMe ; gets 
hills and check,; during business. Job and. Arthur going.] 

JOB. 

My dear boy, I love you. If those be the acts of a cynic, 
heaven send us more such. 

ARTHUR. 

Pshaw, uncle ! That's more of your sentiment. Come along. 
[Bxetmt, L. H. Enter Vane, C. Gomes doicn stage.] 

DEALER. 

Five loses. Deuce wins. 

DEUCE, to Vane. 
Pardon me, my dear fellow, when I say I have watched you. 

VANE. 

Sir! 

71 



Act ir.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III 

DEUCE. 

You have lost much ; and this check — [shows checi:] — I know 
it is worthless. 

VANE. 

Do you intend to insult me ? 

DEUCE. 

Far from it : I intend to save you. Believe me, you have 
neither the nerve nor the skill for play. Now listen. I will re- 
turn this check, with the two hundred you have lost, on your 
solemn promise you will play no more. Do you consent ? 

VANE. 

I do. Deuce, you have proved to me a truer friend, than those 
leeches — [points to table] — who have fattened on my gold ! 

DEUCE. 

Go home, my dear fellow, and sleep, " d'ye see," upon your 
good resolution. 

VANE. 

I will. Good-night. 

DEUCE. 

Good-night [Vane going.] 

VANE, aside. 
But this is degradation. [Exit, L. H.] 

DEALER. 

Knave loses. Deuce wins. 

DEUCE. 

No more to-night, gentlemen. " The bank is closed." 
End of Fourth Act. 



Tl 



Aci v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

|.rt liftlr. 

SCENE FIRST. 

Ball Room at Mrs. Grafton's. At rising of Curtain, Thomas 
discovered dusting Chairs. 

THOMAS, alone. 
This giving a spread aint " the cheese" — it don't pay ; I 
likes the kicking part ; but when it comes to the feeding — my 
eyes ! can't them fashionables go it ! A menagery aint a circum- 
stance ; perliteness aint nowhere ! Fifty on 'em sings out at once, 
" Waiter, get me a glass !" " Fetch along a plate !" " Hurry up 
that spoon !" " ' Cut your stick' for that knife !" Then if they aint 
there right off, phew ! they empties 'em right under the table, 
slops and all — wipes the knife on the cloth, pitches into the oys- 
ters like blazes, knocks over big pile of plates, and down they 
comes with a stunning " kersicash, /" [Enter Bob, C.\ 

BOB. 

Well, old spondulix ! here I am, right side up. 

THOMAS. 

You've come mighty early, haint you ? 

BOB. 

That's the ticket. I likes to see the gals, 'fore they're wilted : 
[loohs around:'] going to do things up rather "Jimmy," aint 
you? 

THOMAS. 

Young man, we aint going to do nothing " shorter." We're 
'• tip tops !" 

BOB. 

Oh ! " cork up !" I say, old " bile-your-buster," how 'bout 
vittals and liquor ? 

THOMAS. 

They's all right — fust-rate ! I've put the best on 'em away — safe. 
4 73 



Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

BOB. 

That's jolly 1 You knows your business. 

THOMAS. 

That's so. I say, Bob, how was the 'lection ball ? " was it a go ?" 

BOB. 

Rather think it was ; it's the " Jimmiest" thing of the season. 
It took so slick ! I'm going to run on split ticket for mayor. 

THOMAS. 

You don't say so ? How 'bout the scalp dance? 

BOB. 

It was a " ten-strike," it was ! I'll give you a touch. Lize and 
I did it up in this style. [^Dances.'] Didn't they, hi! hi! Oh, 
no ! neary a bit ; but when they came to the grand finally [dances] 
didn't they yell! I swow, it was about the aU-firedest [dances. 
Enter Blanche, B. E., aside.] settler, by the holy poker ! [Exit, 
L.H.] 

BLANCHE. 

Who is that? 

THOMAS. 

Mr. Yane's tiger, Miss. 

BLANCHE. 

Let him wait in the hall. [Aside.] That tiger must be chained. 

THOMAS. 

Yes, Miss. [Evit, C] 

BLANCHE. 

The mine is charged — the train laid — the match ready. We 

wait but the signal, to blow his plans to atoms. [Enter Mrs. 

Geafton, C] 

mes. grafton. 
Blanche 1 

BLANCHE. 

Yes, aunt 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

After your conduct last evening, I wish to repeat, that, hereaf- 
ter, Mr. Hearty must discontinue his visits. [Mrs. Grafton goes 
rings hell, during hrmness.] 

74 



Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

B L A N t! II E . 

Yes, aunt. [Aside.] This is rather too much. I believe I 
shall have to run away. [Unter Thomas, C] 

MRS. GEAFTON. 

Has Mr. Black arrived ? 

THOMAS. 

Yes, madam. 

MKS. GRAFTON. 

Tell him the German commences at one. Has Mr. Vandyke 
Brown finished laying the table ? 

THOMAS. 

Yes, madam. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Tell him, I shall be down in a moment. Is Mr. Harp here ? 

THOMAS. 

Yes, madam. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Ask him to come up. [Thomas ho^cs. Exit, C] Blanche, I de- 
sire you to remain here, to receive, during my absence, 

BLANCHE. 

Yes, aunt. [Mrs. Grafton, exit, C] For the present, I must 
submit ; her star is in the ascendant : when the bubble bursts, 
then — [Enter Thomas, C] 

THOMAS. 

Mr. Charles Hearty ! [Enter Charley, C. Exit Thomas, C] 

CHARLEY. 

Well, Blanche, how are you to-night? [Tries to ^iss Tier. 
Blanche draws bach] 

BLANCHE. 

No nonsense, Charley — to business ! Are you up in your part ? 

CHARLEY. 

Yes ; letter perfect. 

BLANCHE. 

Then all is prepared for the execution. [Enter Band, C. TuJm 
places by piano.] 

75 



Adv.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

n A E I. E Y . 

Come, Blanche, there is no one here. Let us have a waltz. 

BLANCHE. 

I agree. [Charley goes to piano.] 

CHARLEY, to LEADER. 

Will you be kind enough to play a waltz ? [Band plays waltz. 
Charley and Blanche dance. Enter Mrs. Grafton, C] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Blanche, what does this mean ? 

CHARLEY. 

Good evening, Mrs. Grafton. 

MRS, GRAFTON, 

Once for all. \_Enter Thomas, C] 

THOMAS. 

Mr. Herbert Vane. [Enter Vane, C, with hat. Exit Thomas, 
C. IVhistle outside.] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Ah, Herbert, [shaJce hands,] I am glad you have come so 
early. Helen is not quite ready ; she will be here. [Enter 
Helen, C] 

HELEN. 

I am here, mother. 

MRS. GRxVFTON. 

Now she can answer for herself. [Helen and Vane come 
down stage. During scene band plays softly, during lusiness.] 

blanche, aside, to Charley. 
We got off easily that time. 

CHARLEY, aside, to Blanche. 
We were mighty lucky ! 

VANE, aside, to Helen. 

How beautiful you look to-night ! [11e,i.v:ts hows coldly.] Why 

so cold? will you not grant me one kind look — a single smile ? 

HELEN, aside, to Vane. 

The heart smiles, sir; you bought the body. [Enter Thomas, C] 

76 



Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene J. 

THOMAS. 

Mr. Job Merryweather, Mr. Arthur Beaufort. [Bnter Job and 
Aethue, (7. I^xit Thomas, C] 

MES. GEAFTON. 

Good evening, Mr. Merryweather. [Job a7ul Mrs. Grafton 

shahe hands.] Mr. Beaufort, I am happy to see you. [Arthur 

iows to Mrs. Grafton, Helen, etc. Comes down stage, R E. 

Whistle outside.] 

job. 

Good evening. "Why, Helen, how handsome you look ! [Shal-e 
hands.] 

HELEN. 

Misery in gold, sir. 

JOB, to Blanche. 

Well, Blanche, is the case ready for trial ? I see the prisoner 

is in court. [Points to Vane.] 

BLANCHE. 

Would I were his judge ! 

JOB . 

Then he had better say his prayers at once. [Enter Thomas, C. 
Whistle outside.] 

THOMAS. 

Mr. and Mr^s. Smith. [Enter, C, Mr. and Mrs. Smith; ioic to 
Mrs. Grafton and Helen, during iusiness.] 
A E T H ir E , aside. 

Leave a dying child at home— to them the " Dance of death." 
[Whistle outside.] 

t H JI A s . 

Mr. Brown, Mr. Jones. [Enter, C, bow, etc.] 

A E T H u E , aside. 
In prosperity, friends •, in adversity, foes ! [ Whistle outside.] 

THOMAS. 

Mrs. and Miss Mary Sappy. [Enter, G., hoxo, etc.] 

A E T H tJ E , aside. 
Gluttony and Economy will be taken into supper at least ten 
times. [ Whittle outnde.] 

77 



Act F.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. \Scem I. 

THOMAS. 

Mr. Robinson. \Entcr C, hoics^ etcl 

ARTHUR, aside. 
A toadstool, very like a genuine mushroom ! [ Whistle out- 
side.'] 

THOMAS. 

Mr. and Mrs. Fidget, Miss Fidget. [Enter., (7., &oic, etc.l 

ARTHUR, aside. 
The Gull, the Buzzard and the Crow. [ Whistle outside.] 

THOMAS. 

Count Spousa. [Enter C, hows, etc.] 

ARTHUR, aside. 
Titled poverty in search of vulgar wealth. [ Whistle outside.] 

THOMAS. 

Mrs. Stupid, the Misses Stupid. [Ente?', (7., how, etc.] 

ARTHUR, aside. 
Seeking for the "goose with the golden egg." [Whistle out- 
side. Band plays two iars of the Lancers ; company form, dur- 
ing business. Ya-se puts hat on piano. Job goes to A-rtbtsh.] 

JOB . 

Well, Arthur, have you no partner ? 

ARTHUR. 

No, uncle ; "I don't lance." 

JOB . 

0, come ! ask Miss Sappy. 

ARTHUR . 

I cannot get near enough. Look at those hoops ! 

JOB . 

You are incorrigible. I will dance myself. [Goes talces place 
— '■'■The Lancers.'''' After dance goes to Vane. During scene, 
Band plays slow music] 

JOB . 

Mr. Vane, allow me a word with you. 
78 



Jet v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

VANE. 

With much pleasure. [Both come down stage.] 

JOB . 

I am compelled to perform a painful duty. Pardon me ; but 
I must speak the truth. 

VANE. 

Well, sir ; go on. 

JOB. 

Mr. Vane, you are engaged to a woman whom you neither 
love nor are beloved by. 

VANE. 

Sir, I cannot recognize you riglit to interfere. 

JOB. 

I do it in kindness. I wish to give you one chance of escape 
— from exposure. I was present last night when you wagered 
that worthless check. 

VANE. 

Sir; your gray hairs alone protect you. 

JOB. 

My gray hairs, sir, can protect themselves. No more of this. 
I appeal to you as a man — resign this noble, loving woman ; do 
not immolate her on the " altar of your poverty." 

VANE. 

I will not resign her ! 

JOB. 

Then you have sealed your own fate ! 

VANE . 

I will hazard the die ! [Vane goes to Helen. Blanche and 
Charley go to Job.] 

blanche. 
Well, cousin, what is the verdict ? 

JOB. 

"Let the axe fall" 

blanche. 
Come. Charley, we must fire the train. 
79 



Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. 

CHARLEY. 

Then, farewell to all his dreams. [Exeunt Blanche and 
Charley, L. H. Band plays a March. Enter Blanche, L. H. 
Company form in couples. Mrs. Grafton and Job after com- 
pany ; Helen and Vane after them; Blanche and Arthur 
last. When all the company have left the stage^ C, Job tm-ns. 
Band exit, C] 

JOB. 

Stop, Catharine, do you remember your promise ? 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

I do. [Job rings lell. Enter Thomas, C] 

JOB, to Thomas. 
Is that gentleman still waiting ? 

THOMAS. 

Yes, sir. 

JOB. 

Show him up. [Exit Thomas, C, ushers in, C, Charley, dis- 
guised as a policeman, with false heard. Exit Thomas, C] 

JOB, to Charley. 
That is Mr. Vane. [Poi7its to Vane.] 

CHARLEY. 

Herbert Vane, I have a warrant against you ; I arrest you on 
a complaint, made by Charlotte Temple, for stealing a watch. 

vane. 
It is false ! It is a lie ! 

JOB. 

Is that false, also ? [Shows Vane letter.] Catharine, there is 
the proof. [Gives Mns. Grafton letter; she tal'esit.] 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Herbert, I charge you, on your honour, is this accusation true ? 

T ANE. 

I confess it is. [Aside.] The game is lost. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Job, I redeem my promise. [Cuahlky pulls offleard, throws 
cap vp.] 

80 



Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Sce7ie I. 

CHARLEY. 

Hurrah ! Blanche, we have won the game ! 

VANE. 

What does this masquerade mean ? 

JOB. 

It means, sir, that our plot, to convince my friend of your un- 
worthiness, has succeeded. It was done in this manner, to give 
you one last chance for reform ; receive it in that spirit. It is 
kno^Ti but to these few, and with them it will remain a secret. 

VANE. 

I thank you, sir, for this forbearance. 

JOB. 

Mr. Vane, I am an old man ; take my advice : It is " Never too 
late to mend." When you leave here, and re-embark on that 
treacherous ocean, (The World,) make honour your rudder, integrity 
your helmsman, truth your polar star ; then trim yoiu" sails by 
education, and, with faith at your masthead, you may stretch away 
over life's troubled waters boldly, self-reliantly. Lose honour, 
you are adrift upon an unknown sea, helpless and hopeless 
through all eternity. 

VANE. 

Accept my gratitude for your advice. I hope to profit by it. 
Had I received the education of a gentleman — not been taught 
from my infancy to consider myself one without it — I should not 
now be in this degrading position. [Vane bows, going aside.] 
" Boldness did not win the game." [Uxit, C] 

JOB. 

/ 

Now, Catharine, finish the good work you have so well begun. 

Look on them. [Points to Helen and Arthur.] They are worthy 
of each other. Make them happy. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Job, I will. I acknowledge my error. I will atone for it. I 
4* 81 



AaV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Seem I. 

looked through the veil of prejudice, with the eye of the world. 
Now, the hand of truth has rent the veil asunder. [Goes to Ar- 
thur.] Mr. Beaufort, my daughter loves you. [Arthur shrugs 
his shoulders.] It is true, she gave you up to fulfil a promise made 
to her dead father — more of that, hereafter. Take her. [Places 
Helen's hand in Arthur's.] She is worthy of you ; for if she 
prove as good a wife as she has been daughter, you have a treas- 
ure, indeed ! 

ARTHUR. 

Helen ! 

HELEN. 

Arthur! [They emirace.] 

ARTHUR. 

We will never part more. 

HELEN . 

Can you forgive me for the pain I have caused you i* 

A KTIIX' R. 

Forgive you ? A life of devotion shall be my atonement, for 
having ever doubted you. 

JOB, to Arthur. 
Well, my dear boy, have 1 conquered ? 

ARTHUR. 

Yes, uncle ; I banish forever my cynical philosophy ; it is un- 
substantial, foundationless — without, it is a palace ; within, a 
prison. 

CHARLEY , aside, to Blanche. * 

They have forgotten us. 



It seems so. 
Shall we run? 



blanche. 

OH ABLET . 
82 



Act v.] . WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Seem I. 

BLANCHE. 

Let US first try a little humiliation. [TTiey go to Mrs. Graf- 
ton.] Aunty, won't you give us your blessing? 

JOB. 

They have laboured well, Catharine ; they deserve their re- 
ward. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Blanche, I have been too severe with you. I see it now. I 
am sorry for it. 

BLANCHE. 

Never mind. The past is forgotten. We will bury the 
hatchet. 

MRS. GRAFTON. 

Take her, Mr Hearty. [Joi7is hands.] May she be as good a 
wife as you deserve. 

CHARLEY. 

Never fear ; I shall keep her in order. 

BLANCHE. 

Look out, or I will verify the old proverb ! 

JOB. 

AVhat proverb ? 

BLANCHE. 

That the "gray mare is the better horse !" 

JOB, to Mrs. Grafton. 
As for us, Catharine, we are too old to think of love, so we 
must be content to be happy in their happiness, and strive to 
guide their children safely, through the shoals, and rocks, on 
which we were wrecked. \_Entcr Bob, C] 

BOB. 

Excuse me, ladies ; Mr. Vane's hat. [Bob goes to piano, takes 
hat, during hisiness.] 

BLANCHE, aside. 
The tiger is unchained, but he is quite subdued. 
83 



Ad r.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. . [Scene Z 

BOB, aside. 
I'm ia at the death ! It's mighty jolly, I don't thhik ! My 
master's played out, and my iilace is "to let." So guess I'd 
better mosey. [Going.] So, mosey it is ! [Bows, exit G. Band 
enter, G. Whistle outside.] 

VOICE, outside. 
Mr. Vane's carriage. [Pause.] All right — drive on! 

JOB, comes dozen stage. 

Our plat is done, the wheat is thrashed : 
Garner it in tour hearts, blow the chaff awat. 

[Boies.] 

Band plays a Polka. Gompany dance in second Eoom. 
Tadleau. Curtain falls. 



FINIS. 



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